Opening Day

Every year since we moved here, with the exception of the year I worked for psycho TN who wouldn't let me off work to go, SP and I have gone to Reds Opening Day. It has become our thing and while sports kinda make me want to gag most of the time, I do enjoy drinking beer and hanging with my hubby so I overlook the gag factor temporarily.

This year Miss C was born on the day when SP would have bought tickets. Being a wise man, he opted to help his wife deliver their first baby instead of trying to get tickets. Had he choosen otherwise I am sure his death would have been considered justified...unless I had some avid ball fan for a judge or the jury of my peers were all season ticket holders. Thankfully, I didn't have to kill him (I am totally joking by the way for those who don't know me that well.) and we bought tickets from an online broker.

It was tough deciding what to do about Miss C because up until this year we didn't have to consider things like taking a baby to a game. In the end, we decided not to take her and embarked on our first nights away from her as she stayed with Nana and Papa in Louisv*lle.

Let me say, I think I have called a gazillion times and thought about her a gazillion more. Is she eating? Is she pooping? Is she fussy? Is she being good? I miss her, but I also enjoyed the nap I took yesterday when the left with her and the sleep I got last night.

Next year, we'll take her to the game and make a new tradition. But for now, based on this picture, it looks like she was doing ok with her grandparents.

Babene

That's my new made up word for Baby + Acne. Babene.

Miss C has it and they don't give Pr*Active to babies so she has to endure. Actually, she doesn't seem to care but it bothers the hell out of me. They tell me it's normal and hormone related but the poor thing looks miserable.

In other news, Miss C now weighs 8 pounds 13 ounce. Girl has put on some weight over the last week and is daily outgrowing outfits. We think she is at a growth spurt because she is eating A LOT...every 2 hours or so which is not her normal eating pattern. Making up for lost weight I guess.

Miss C's First Easter

1 Month Observation of Miss C

Dear Baby Girl,
This week you celebrated one month of life outside of Mom and boy was it memorable. You did so much this month that it's hard to pinpoint my most favorite moment. But, I'd have to say that meeting you for the first time by far has to be the one that sticks out the most in my mind. Seeing you for the first time will forever be etched in my mind...you were perfect and the very sight of you brought me to tears.

Still, this month wasn't all about your arrival. This month you also:

• Met your brother, grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles.
• Took a road trip with Mom and Dad and one without Dad.
• Spit up...A LOT
• Tried breastfeeding but ended up on formula.
• Smiled a lot when pooping and farting but also started to smile when Mom and Dad talk to you.
• Crapped on two very cute outfits, your Mom, your Granny and almost on the sofa.
• You had your first hospital visit that scared Mom and Dad but everything turned out ok.
• Cried...A LOT.
• Read books with Mom and Dad, including Mom's favorite, The Giving Tree.
• Cuddled...A LOT.
• Took many rides in the swing because your Dad swears you love it when the swing is on HIGH. And, you do.
• Stretched just like Mom does when she is really tired, back arched, arms stretched out overhead, eyes closed and lips sticking out.
• Sucked down a lot of bottles and then passed out like it was the best drink you've ever had.
• Celebrated your first St. Patrick's Day.
• Had multiple doctor appointments.
• Lost weight.
• Gained weight...officially 8 pounds 1 ounce now.
• Brought Mom to tears of joy and sadness.
• Found your fingers again and sucked them to your hearts content.
• Wrapped Dad tightly around your finger.
• Got some super cute new clothes.
• Went for walks with Mom, Dad and Copper.
• Stared at things we couldn't figure out.
• Hung out and were generally content with life...A LOT.
• Took multiple baths.
• Got a shot.
• Had to take medicine for your acid reflux.
• Listened to music and songs your Dad made up and sang to you.

It's funny because I cannot imagine what life would be like without you in it now that I have met you. I whisper in your ear how smart and beautiful you are. I cuddle you every chance I get and do not fear for one second that I am spoiling you in a bad way. If I spoil you with love and affection, you will know you are loved...period.

There are also times I get frustrated because I want so much to give you a perfect life, but I don't speak baby and can't always determine what you need. I try though. Dad and I try together and most of the time I think we had done things right over the last month. But, I am sure at some point we will screw up. That's just part of being a parent.

I hope you have enjoyed your first month. I have thoroughly enjoyed you and look forward to experiencing life with you. Thank you for changing my life for the better.

Love, Mom

Listorama

• Will it make me a bad mom if I don't take Miss C to see the Easter Bunny for her first Easter?
• I mean, seriously, she won't remember and the thought of standing in that line makes me want to scream MY head off.
• Should I try to switch her formula since the stuff we were using before didn't make her scream when she pooped but this stuff is for babies with reflux? Of course, it's not stopping her from spitting up so I am not sure it matters.
• Yadi had Isaac yesterday...NATURAL and he was 9.5 pounds and 21 inches long. Holy crap she is my hero.
• Had to politely ask my lovely husband to stop asking me why Miss C is crying when she cries. I love him, but I might have head butted him if he asked me again. I told him I don't speak baby so his guess is as good as mine. God love him, he's trying.
• I have a massive sinus headache. Welcome Spring.
• We may need a canoe to leave the house with all the rain we are getting.
• 1 month doctor appointment is tomorrow.
• SP turns 30 next week.
• I am one size away from my pre-pregnancy body...too bad my stomach still feels like a sponge. Can't wait to start Pilates and bike riding again.

Babies, babies everywhere

So, for those counting...

Allyson had Alex
Dawn had Mia
I had Miss C
Amy had RJ
Allison had Henry
Yadi is to be induced today.
Jennifer is due in July and is having a girl.

Looks like there will be enough boys for our girls to pick from. Congrats to all the new moms.

Shit

If someone had told me at any point during my last 33 years that I would be this concerned over another persons bowel movements I would have slapped their face. OK, probably wouldn't have gotten violent, but I would have laughed uncontrollably as I told them to pass me another beer, cigarette or whatever.

Yet, here I am concerned about Miss C's poop.. It seems the switch to formula resulted first is some MAJOR blow outs the likes of which I hope to never see again, AND...some play-doh like poop that makes her scream her little head off like someone is pulling her fingernails out.

Yes, my girl is vocal. I am telling you now with all the noises she makes she is going to be a talker. Squeaking and grunting is a regular sound around her. But the screaming, well, I have learned that it's associated with the most severe degree of discomfort for her. Pushing out play-doh from her butt makes her scream. I can't BELIEVE I care.

But, alas, I do which is why I took the bebe out in the freaking rain to get apple juice. I am told by the Doctor that this will ease things a bit. We shall see. I predict explosions again. What are your thoughts?

1 Month Observation of Miss C

• Her blue eyes are now starting to follow me a bit and you can tell she is focusing more.
• When I say her name and her eyes are closed, she will open them. Could be coincidence or she is learning her name.
• The girl can eat.
• And poop.
• I love to rub my cheek against the top of her head and feel it's smoothness.
• She still sucks her fingers.
• She's definitely a cuddle bug and loves to be all snuggled up. I am sure at some point that will change so I am eating it up while I can.
• While she is smaller than Cousin Mia, she is outgrowing some of her outfits and filling out others.
• Watch, our girl will be 6 foot 4 like SPs dad was. I'll definitely look like a midget then.
• We read a book or two almost every day and while half the time she falls asleep, I enjoy it.
• She is smiling more and I don't think it's always gas. Though, it could be.
• Currently, she looks more like SP than me. Seriously, you can't tell the child is mine other than the fact that I KNOW I pushed her out.
• I love her more today than I did yesterday and I am sure I'll love her more tomorrow than today.

So sleepy

Holy CRAP!

Who knew one little girl could produce so much poop. This is a gross photo of blow out number 1 that resulted in this onesie being thrown out and Miss C getting a bath because she was COVERED in poop.


This is the super cute outfit that I put Miss C in after her blowout to go to Louisville and she had another blowout when we got there getting poop all over it too.

Blowout number 3 happened at Granny's when Miss Cara squirted a lovely yellow poop all over Mom, and every blanket and piece of clothing within poop range.

Totally gross I must say.

I'm no doctor, but I'm the Mom Part II

In a moment of clarity SP and I realized a couple of things. One was that we didn't want to put our baby through an Upper GI if it was not necessary and the other was it seemed a better course of action to assess what we had been doing around the time Miss C started screaming her little head off.

Here's what we figured out.

1) I was not producing enough milk and our girl was hungry. Didn't figure this out until I pumped a few times and realized I wasn't even getting a full 4 ounces in one sitting.
2) The screaming and spitting up all started around the time when the nurse recommended the nipple shields.

The combination of these two things made us think that Miss C was not getting enough to eat and was taking in a lot of air with the shields. Thus, she was hungry and full of air. Not a good mix.

So, I have stopped breastfeeding all together and officially quit pumping this weekend. She is on formula full time and while things aren't 100% better, they are better than they were. I am not sure she will ever be 100% because she is a newborn and I do think she has reflux. But, WOW she is not screaming her little head off 24/7 and she is eating A LOT so I am confident that she is gaining weight.

Of course, we go for her 1 month this week (Holy shit she's a month old!) and they will assess her weight and reflux. We may still have to do the Upper GI but we may not. I am not sure how they will feel about my stopping the breastfeeding, but I feel like I attempted to feed her for close to a month as best as I could. Ultimately her getting the nourishment she needs is my primary concern and if I can't give it to her, formula will do the trick.

I'm no doctor, but I'm the Mom - Part I

It's been a tough week and a half or so. We aren't sleeping much and it's so difficult to see your little baby is so much distress crying real tears. I am glad the ultrasound showed nothing but the next steps from the doctor didn't sit well with either of us.

Per the doctor, the next steps were/are to have Miss C get an Upper GI. SP and I were both quite shocked that she said if the Upper GI showed nothing we'd then have to consider seeing a breastfeeding consultant.

Honestly, it seems to me that going to a breastfeeding consultant is far less traumatizing to our baby than an Upper GI. So, I called the doctor back and asked if it was critical life threatening thing that we needed to get checked this was immediately, or could we try some other alternatives.

Honestly, I didn't care what the doctor said, I was trying alternatives anyway but would have definitely taken her for the Upper GI if it was needed right away. It wasn't.

Parenting

There comes a point in your life when you realize that either a) you have great parents or b) you just weren't that lucky when it came to genetics. I, thankfully, have been blessed with great parents.

I can't honestly tell you when I realized this...when my dad had his heart surgery or my mom fought breast cancer and the potential of losing them heightened my awareness? Maybe...but I think I knew way before those events. Maybe I knew it from birth. I am not sure.

What I am sure of is that I have great parents and that is evident now more than ever as I struggle with learning to be a parent myself. It's tough work and I know for a fact I didn't make it easy for them.

Today, we had to take Cara to the hospital for an ultrasound. It's tough going to the place you work, as a parent of a patient. It's tough seeing your little baby all exposed on a big hospital bed having her insides looked at. It's even tougher to not know what in the hell they are seeing on the ultrasound when they look for an obstruction that could be causing her to not gain weight and spit up all the time.

Thankfully, the ultrasound showed nothing and we will work with the doctor to figure out next steps tomorrow...but it was just another difficult day on this journey of motherhood.

And thankfully, I was surprised by my own mom who drove up from home to the hospital to be with us. She held my baby and loved on her and then held her baby and let her cry. Moms are good like that...at least mine is. Thanks Mom. I love you.

2 Week Observations of Miss C

• Small skin tag on her right ear. Her mom has one on her left ear.
• Stork bite/birth mark on the base of her head.
• Very long toes.
• Grunts very loudly when she's pooping which makes her Papa Albert very proud.
• Farts equally as loud.
• Half smiles out of the side of her mouth when she's sleeping and sometimes full on grins. I am confident that smile will steal hearts because it's already stolen mine.
• Has bright blue eyes that stare intently at me while I am holding her.
• Those eyes make me think she's a wise old soul.
• Does not mind having her face cleaned and only moderately fusses when bathed.
• Is starting to get more head/neck strength which I am attributing to her desire to see what in the heck is going on around her.
• Likes to pee when her diaper is off and subsequently gets it all over her clothes.
• Looks wonderful in pink much to my dismay. Of course, I am a girl who wore black most of her teenage years so pink is sorta the anti-black for me. I am adjusting.
• She sleeps with both arms up by her head and her legs bend out to the side in a "surrendering to sleep" position.
• Has a set of lungs on her that could wake the dead.

White Death

Currently, I am standing in my nursery with Miss C in her sling and me wearing fleece and snow boots. I was going to venture out today, but White Death is upon us.

For those of you who don't know, when I first moved here to Cincinnati it was Winter and there was a "big" snow. Some radio announcer kept calling it White Death in jest and it stuck with me. I figured being a tad more North they might have it together here, but alas, people still freak out over the snow. So, while I am not afraid of the snow, I am afraid of idiot drivers so we decided to stay in.

A couple random photos:

Arrival home from the hospital.

Meeting Miss Mia and swapping babies with Dawn.

Learning

It's been quite an eye opener these last few months being first pregnant and now a new mom. I learned pregnancy isn't always as beautiful and glamorous as we are lead to believe. Some of us just don't take to the experience no matter how much we want to.

I learned that getting an epidural and pitocin do not always slow down your labor and ruin your delivery. In fact, for me, the epidural allowed me to enjoy the birth of Miss C instead of focusing on the hellish pain that was the 8 hours of labor up to the epidural.

I learned that breastfeeding is one hell of a painful experience both physically to your breast and emotionally. For some reason so much pressure is put on us to breastfeed...either self imposed or externally imposed or both. It can break a persons spirit to put so much of their value and self worth into something that doesn't always work out.

I learned that opinions are like assholes and everyone has one about just about everything. People are more inclined to give you their opinion whether you want it or not, especially when you are a) pregnant or b) a new mom. Even those people who don't have kids of their own like to weigh in on things. I am sure not everyone is malicious in their intent but damn, my baby is two weeks old and not sleeping so I am not sleeping...be a little sensitive to that, eh?

I learned that I MUST take time for myself. Like today when I bundled up a screaming baby and took a drive to a local bagel shop for lunch. She eventually stopped crying and I ate a bagel and read a book that has nothing to do with babies or breastfeeding or the like.

I learned that there is nothing sweeter than kissing the soles of Miss C's soft feet and feel her toes curl around my lips. Even screaming she is the most precious thing around and I am learning new things about her (and me) daily.

The Exorcist

Took Miss C to the doctor today. She's been vomiting/spitting up with every feeding and sometimes in between. She's also been showing us her vocal skills by screaming morning, noon and night. After two + days of this and our inability to calm her or sleep, I called the doctor.

I must first thank Allyson and Jeff for picking such a great doctor since we just went with who they picked. I really like them and they didn't make me feel like an idiot when I called today.

It seems Miss C may have reflux and due to the fact that she's lost a few ounces they put her on some meds to help her out a bit. Cross your fingers that it works. Currently we are doing that and I hold her upright for 30 minutes after feeding to allow "gravity" to help with her digestion.

Poor little thing. She looked so exhausted from all the screaming and lack of sleeping. It's been a rough few days. I pray that she starts feeling better because I really am starting to stink of sour milk.

Home Alone

You know those scenes in movies where the new mom is crying along with her new baby? That was me at about 2 AM this morning. Miss C must have known her dad was out of town because once 12 hit she was on a crying roll.

Up to this point she had been doing pretty well. I had been doing pretty well. Only minor hiccups. But last night, damn, it was rough.

She'd scream. I'd calm her down and put her to bed. 5 seconds later she'd wake up and scream some more. I'd feed her, change her diaper, whatever I thought she needed and put her back to bed. 5 seconds later she'd wake up and scream some more. This went on from 12 until 3. The girl can scream.

I seriously don't know what in the hell was wrong with her. She didn't want food. She didn't want her diaper changed. She didn't want to be held or put to bed. She just wanted to scream and cry. So I cried with her.

Today hasn't been much better. I am wondering if something I am eating is upsetting her stomach. Or if I am holding her too much and now she is dependent upon me always holding her for comfort. Who in the heck knows.

Finally, she is asleep and I hope this helps. I am exhausted but did manage to finally take a shower. I can't wait until SP gets home.

Picture pages

So many firsts

It's hard to believe that Miss C is over a week old now. We have had our good days, and our not so good days. All 3 of us are adjusting and each day getting a little more used to each other. Here's a glimpse at what we've been doing.

• Had our visiting nurse visit and got more pointers on feeding. Ended up with a n*pple shield which has worked wonders.
• Took our first sponge bath without incident.
• Lost our cord.
• Went to the pediatrician and about lost our minds listening to the hepatitis vaccination speech. I am totally reminded that I need to research that.
• They must have measured Miss C's length incorrectly at the hospital...or these ta-ta's are feeding my girl good because she has grown 2 inches.
• Nana and Papa came to visit and I woke up from a nap to find them cuddled on the sofa with Miss C snuggling between them.
• I managed to take a shower and brush my teeth every single day since I have been home. Small personal goal...one of those times it was when I was home by myself.
• Took our first outing to Target for supplies without incident. Also went to dinner in an actual restaurant.
• Drove to Louisv*lle with SP and J. Breastfed in the parking lot of a gas station/McD*onalds.
• Visited cousin Mia, Aunt Dawn, Uncle Mike and Granny and Grampy.
• Showed just how fully developed our lungs were with a few nights of high pitched screaming and very little sleep.
• Peed A LOT and at times on our clothes and everything else cloth in sight.
• Pooped A LOT and at times also on our clothes and everything else cloth. Once even squirted a good wet poo right at Mom.
• Took our first stroller ride/walk with Copper.
• Learned the value of gas relief drops.
• Made Mom cry over sheer perfectness and sheer exhaustion.
• Met Aunt Tracy and cousins Sam and Emie.
• Started doing our end of day feeding via bottle with Dad requiring Mom to pump at least once a day. This is not really what was recommended to us but it works for us so we are continuing to do it.
• I am going to write more on feeding in another post...got lots to say there.
• Totally neglecting everything else, including my beloved friends and family, due to utter consumption by motherhood.

Today I feel: good from our walk and visit from family.