Milestones?

To be honest, I am really not sure what a 10 week old baby is supposed to be doing at 10 weeks. Nor am I really sure what I should be doing with her. I secretly (well not so secretly anymore) fear that I am in some way depriving her of some daily activity that will stunt her development and make her less than successful in say, preschool.

Along with that, I tend to look at the other babies that are around me and compare Miss C and what we do to them. Not in some "my baby is better than your baby" way, but more in a way of trying to determine if those mommies know more than I do so I can steal ideas from them.

For the most part, I think the new mommies know about as much as I do, which ain't much, but we are trying. All of us are learning to trust ourselves as moms and are realizing that when it comes to our babies, we often know what is best and we know our babies will reach those milestones when they are ready.

Compliments

My Mom recently told me that I was a wonderful mother and it was a joy to see my sweet gentleness with Miss C. It made me cry.

Bath time!

One of Miss C's most favorite things is bath time. That girl loves to be in the water and showed it from the very beginning at the hospital when she got her first sponge bath.

We have a little bath seat that we use in the kitchen sink and she's only had a bath in the tub once. She'll just sit there forever and smile and kick her legs like it's the most exciting thing in the world. I rarely rush this part of our day because we both enjoy it so much.

After every bath I give her a little massage with some nice calming lotion, comb her hair, get her in her pjs and ready for bed. I am trying to have a "routine" with her as it helps both of us wind down for the evening. I cherish this time with her and am secretly glad SP can't do it. Shhh! Don't tell.

All roads lead home

My sole purpose for going home this weekend was to take Elaine to register. I didn't realize getting there would be an adventure that left me wanting to pull my hair out.

I loaded Miss C up for another trip to Louisville on Friday and we met SP for lunch before heading out. We were just starting the drive when I realized it was time for her to eat so I decided to stop and have a relaxing feed before ever leaving town. There was no timeframe on my trip. I had no plans that evening.

So we dined amongst the shoppers at the Wh*le Foods and even stopped by the shoe store for a quick peek as Miss C does need to learn the importance of a good pair of shoes. Then, when she was asleep, we hit the road for what should have been about an hour and a half trip.

I barely made it over the bridge into KY when we got stopped due to a car being on fire and Miss C did not appreciate the lack of car movement and began to WAIL. Being the smart cookie that I am, I have learned on my travels that I can successfully maneuver the car and reach back and slightly rock the car seat. This usually lulls her right back to a pleasant slumber.

Usually.

A good 30 - 45 minutes later traffic finally got moving and she went back to sleep.

Then I had to stop for gas and that ticked her off and she began to WAIL. And she proceeded to WAIL for the next 20 minutes. So, I stopped and got her out of her car seat to change her diaper thinking that might be bothering her because we've had a touch of a diaper rash.

Now, this was not an easy task. For starters I was wearing a summer dress. I also had the seat folded down in the back to accomodate the stroller, our bags, the travel swing and 3 bags of goodies I was taking to give to Elaine who is expecting in July. So, I had to climb into the SUV and maneuver around all that crap.

I got her out, and she promptly smiled and cooed. No more WAILING.

Thinking she was satisfied with her nice dry diaper, because she was laughing and smiling and all, I put her back in her car seat and hit the road. This worked for a second and then she WAILED again.

So, we stopped AGAIN because it was time to eat since we were detained due to the car fired, getting gas and changing her diaper. I had to crawl around all the stuff again, make a bottle, get her out (where she promptly started smiling again) and feed her. We sat for a bit because she has that reflux ya know and I am supposed to hold her up right even though that never freaking works because she spits up anyway, but that's another story.

FINALLY, we were on the road again and she slept for a few miles (we were about 45 minutes from our destination at this point). Then, she started WAILING again about 20-25 minutes from our destination and didn't stop until we got there.

It took me 4 hours to get there. 4 hours. I thought I was going to lose my mind because that girl has some lungs on her.

Thankfully, the rest of my trip was great complete with a night out on the town with my friends while Granny and Rose watched Miss Cara. A beer never tasted so good. Thanks Mom.

1 armed bandit

So, my husband has to have surgery because he did severe damage to his labrum and minor damage to his rotator cuff. The surgery will be in two weeks and the PT will go for 6 months.

I must admit that these last two weeks without him being able to really help with Miss C have been very difficult. I really don't get a break because he can't lift her due to the limited mobility of his arm and because he is on some major pain meds. As much as I love Miss C, for my sanity I need some me time and right now her staying with Dad without me isn't working out. We are making adjustments but the reality is with his surgery it's only going to get worse before it gets better because I will also be returning to work.

So, I have been struggling a bit. OK, A LOT. I know my husband is in pain and is frustrated because he can't do the things he likes to do, but this sucks. It would be different if I was at home and had family and friends close by who could help. But I don't and there hasn't been a point up until now where that was so painfully difficult to deal with. Granted my parents and sister have offered their help, which I greatly appreciate, but I know it's difficult for them to come here to do that.

Anyway, I was having a little pity party for myself. SP and I talked about it and it will all work out fine. I just needed to be mad for a minute so I could get over it and move on.

That's gotta hurt

Yesterday Miss C received 4 shots and one oral vaccination. I was up a lot the night before fretting about autism and the potential impact of the vaccinations on my lively and happy baby. Making these types of decisions are difficult and weigh on me heavily.

In the end, we opted for the shots. I am not sure if it's because I think it's the right decision or if I just don't know any other way. So far the only side effects were a low grade fever, decreased appetite and some increased fussiness. Still smiling and laughing so that makes me feel good.

Right now I am pissed off to monumental proportions because my work has now given me a THIRD return to work date that is a week earlier than the last one they gave me. When I called, AGAIN, the woman I spoke with said that the original letter was signed by her but created by someone else and it was wrong. I think I'd verify what I was signing was correct before I put my damn name on it, but that's just me. She said date number 2 was given to me by someone who shouldn't have given it to me. Date number 3 is supposed to be accurate but how do I REALLY know I was speaking to the right person and getting the right info on the letter? They don't seem to have it together enough for me to trust them.

Regardless of all that, the bottom line is I am not ready to leave Miss C. I know moms all over the world do it, but I am not ready. I can't begin to imagine someone else doing all the things I do with her all day. It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it. Of course, SP says I still have a month with her...but that doesn't seem like nearly enough time.

I wish there was a way to have both...my job that I love and my baby that I love more. Doesn't seem feasible so it looks like she will be going to day care and I will be going to work...a week f-ing earlier than expected. I wonder if anyone will notice if I just bring her to work with me?

2 Month Observation of Miss C

Dear Baby Girl,
You are now 2 months old and I cannot believe how much you have changed in such a short period of time. I have enjoyed every second of the time we have spent together watching you grow and become your own little person.

I think my most favorite thing about this past month was your smiling. You now smile when you see me or Dad and not just a gas smile, the kind of smile where your eyes light up and your arms and legs move with excitement. And there's also the laughing. This amazing sound of happiness that comes when you are the most tickled. It's contagious.

I am amazed at how much of a personality you have at just two months. You "talk" a lot at everything and to everyone. It could be your bottle, the side of the swing, Mr Frog, Ms Panda and Tweety that hang above your changing table, or the wall (Which, I think you get from your Dad.) but you are always making some noise if you are awake and sometimes even in your sleep. I am sure all this talking will come back to haunt us when you are in grade school, but I love your vocalness.

You have done some much this month and I have listed some highlights below:

• Stayed all night with Nana and Papa while Mom and Dad went to Opening Day. We plan on taking you when you are a little older and are so excited about it.
• Got your first picture with a beer thanks to Nana and Papa.
• Met two of your future boyfriends.
• Hung out with Cousin Mia.
• Went scrapbooking with Mom, Aunt Dawn and Granny.
• Took trips to Louisville.
• Saw some of your great aunts and went to Mom's former employer.
• Experienced your first (and Mom's first) earthquake.
• Found a formula that actually cleared your skin and worked wonders for your belly.
• Spit up A LOT.
• Cried, very little.
• Pooped and peed A LOT.
• Got a lot of new clothes because Mom is obsessed.
• Had your picture taken.
• Went to the ER with Dad.
• Exercised with Mom while in the sling.
• Grabbed fingers and blankets and anything you could get your hands on.
• Worked on thumb sucking with Dad.
• Kicked your legs in time with the music.
• Got licked by Copper.
• Held your head up a lot.
• Heard a lot of made up songs from Dad which make you smile and laugh.
• Screamed over tummy time but loved your exercise mat thingy when on your back.
• Went to the grocery, the mall, restaurants, etc. with Mom and Dad.
• Started "sleeping through the night" by getting a regular set of 5-7 hours of sleep in the evenings for over a week.
• Also started sleeping in your crib...of course you are still in the car seat while in the crib but it's a step toward full crib sleeping.
• Gained weight - you are now 10 pounds 3 ounces
• Got taller/longer - you are 22 and a quarter inches

It's been a wonderful 2 months Little Bit and I look forward to the months to come. I promise it will only get better.

Love, Mom

2 Months photo

Shhh! Don't tell Miss C

First a little "shout out" to all those who read this silly little blog that I didn't know about. It's amazing what you will learn at the funeral home. I am so glad you all enjoy reading my ramblings about motherhood. I enjoy writing here for many reasons...because I miss my weekly writing group, because I need therapy and this is cheaper (Ha!), because it will give Miss C a little insight into her Mom one day and because it keeps me in touch, however distant, with my family.

Now, on to the point of this post.

Miss C has successfully slept about 5 to 6 hours straight these past two nights so I thinking maybe Alexander did share his secret to a good night of z's. Going for night number three, cross your fingers.

Right now I am doing this silly thing that a girl at work told me. Miss C does best sleeping in her carrier. Don't ask me why, cozy space I guess. Anyway, she's in the carrier with the carrier in the crib. That way I can put the video monitor on her but start getting her used to sleeping in her room. Wonder if I am going to get used to it or if I'll be up all night worrying. We shall see.

Also, thanks to everyone for their love and support during this difficult time with the death of my Grandma. It was hard for me today. I had this feeling at the cemetary that I did not want to leave because I knew in my heart that once I left there I was leaving both of my grandmas' behind. I will miss them but I will make sure my girl knows how special they were.

Boyfriends and tricks

This is another one of Miss C's future boyfriends (My girl is going to be quite popular!), Alexander. Notice how she's reaching her hand out to touch him...such a flirt. I hope Alex is whispering to her his secret for sleeping through the night because he's a pro at it.


This is not the best picture but I HAD to show this to you. Yesterday was hellish between Miss C not sleeping, doing the hospital thing and all the happened afterward with SP for his shoulder and knowing that my grandma would soon die. So, it totally cracked me up when I went in to check on Miss C and found the pacifier resting on her face when it was previously in her mouth. The girl has some skills!

Grandma

My Grandma passed away this morning.

We spent a lot of time with our grandparents as kids. I know without a doubt they helped shape who I am as a person. Good and bad. Like my Grandma's independent nature and sassiness...I totally get my own sense of independence and sass from her. I think I am secretly a red head just like she was.

I have a lot of fond memories at my Grandma's house...banging pots and pans at New Years, watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, drinking tea and having her give me words to spell, playing on the swings in the front of her apartment and so many more. I will miss her.

Love you Grandma!

Dislocation

• My grandma is dying.
• My baby is fighting sleep thus not sleeping and getting wired and fussy which means we aren't sleeping.
• My husband dislocated his shoulder.

Need I say more?

13

Being a step-parent is hard ass work. Might be harder than being a parent because you have to hold your tongue and count to 10...A LOT.

Visit with friends

Met up with my friends and former co-workers this week while in Louisville. I miss them. I wish that I could pick them up and move them to my new place of employment.

Yadi brought Isaac and he is a cutey. Looks like a little man with beautiful full lips. Yadi looked great and I am still in awe of her natural delivery. She rocks.


One of Miss C's future boyfriends, Isaac, and my friend Mitzi.

Yadi and Isaac

Danny and Miss C multi-tasking. Danny has 4 boys but seems to do ok with a little girl.

Vickie and Isaac

Smiley Coyote

SP likes to come up with nicknames as terms of endearment. I, for example, am never called by my name. I am either Mel, Melvin, Calliope or some other name that strikes his fancy. Miss C is no exception. He has taken to calling her Smiley Coyote for some reason...I guess these pics kinda show why.

Generations

I am saddened by that fact that two women, my grandmother's, who were such an integral part of my life for the last 33 years will never know my baby and vice versa. It sucks.

Today was tough going to the hospital to see Grandma S. I am not sure what I expected but to see her so frail broke my heart. They have her on the list for Hospice and are just trying to make her comfortable at this point.

I am not really sure what else to say...please say a prayer for my family.

Coincidence? I think not.

Tuesday we changed Miss C's formula to the hypoallergenic, very expense, stuff and today her face is 99% cleared up. Monday and Tuesday her little face and head looked awful with both entirely broke out with bumps and redness. Today, smooth and almost all clear.

I had told the doctor I thought her face might be a reaction to the formula but she assured me that it was just baby acne. I am starting to think I was right because I doubt it would have cleared up that quickly otherwise. Regardless, I am glad it cleared up.

She is still a little fussy and has gas A LOT but her stools aren't rock hard which is a plus. I am telling myself some of it is just an adjustment to the new formula because yesterday all she wanted to do was be held. That was EXHAUSTING because she wouldn't sleep unless held. She'd be OUT and I'd lay her down and BAM! she'd wake up.

On the plus side, there was a period where she was on her little exerciser mat and just loving all the things to stare at and explore. She layed there forever just checking things out and didn't cry or spit up. Wonderful!

Cross your fingers this formula works.

Yet another switch

We make the decision to go to the ball game and have Miss C spend her first nights away from home and she decides to have blood in her stool. Just once and then she continued with her play-doh and pebble poo until the prune juice that Nana gave her cleared her out a bit.

So, I called the doctor yet again. I did some research yesterday online, which can be both a blessing and a curse, and found a lot of info about formula intolerance and the signs. Miss C has them all. For example: spitting up - check, vomiting - check, fussiness - check, skin problems - check, blood in stool and hard stools - check, etc.

I had pretty much decided before I ever talked to the doctor that I was switching her formula because what was going on wasn't working. She really is a pleasant and happy baby but man, the BMs are difficult for her and her belly is upset a lot. And her little face...it's so broke out and while they say baby acne is normal this sure seems like a VERY bad case all over her face, head and neck.

Much to my pleasure it was the doctor who recommended changing to a hypoallergenic formula and even gave us samples that will take us through her next appointment in 3 weeks. I have given her one bottle. We'll see how it goes.

And, for those keeping track we have done: breastmilk, Simil@c Advanced + breastmilk, Simil@c Sensitive, Enf@mil AR and now this. Cross your fingers it works.

Just like her parents