The Boston

We flew in on Friday and after checking into the hotel in Cambridge next to M*T we walked over to B*ston U and caught the T to C*pley. After searching for some time we found some food and did a little people watching. Students were back and everywhere with their books and their luggage and their hipness. Some were trying too hard, others didn't seem to give one shit one way or the other. I kept thinking how crazy it was to have to lug your luggage on a train to get to where you wanted to go.


Back on the train to Kenm*re and a short walk to Fenw@y. We were starting to figure out the T and got ourselves a Chahlie Cahrd (aka Charlie Card) for our T travels.

It seems the R*d Sox fans are hard core and start their game day festivities early because we found all these little bars around the stadium packed at 3:30 in the afternoon. We marveled and the difference in the fans, all decked out in their gear, and their loyalty to their team.

After partaking in some adult beverages at a local bahr (aka bar) we headed to the stadium past the Green M*nster. Our seats were in the outfield and as far as I can tell, they were good seats. But what do I know. The thing I enjoyed most was seeing how much SP got out of seeing the stadium for the first time. I know he will always remember this trip and his first time to just stand in the walkway of the stadium and take it all in.

I tried to get us seats here, but damn they are pricey. I think I liked it better being able to see the guy run out with his ladder and his numbers and change the score board.


After the game we headed back with all the locals on the T and ended up back at our hotel for a very, very expensive after game "snack" that left me quite drunk off my $11 Mai Tai. Yummy.


What would our trip be without a ridiculous tongue shot. We got up at about 10 on Saturday and headed to F@neuil Hall. We had lunch at the Cheers Cafe and drinks at Dicks...totally tourists but what the hell.

We aren't big history buffs so we didn't partake in any tours, boat trips or ghost and goblin hunts that were offered. Instead we just took a leisurely stroll around the market and the wharf just taking it all in. In this picture we had just had a good laugh at the expense of some gentleman walking around blasting Apple B*ttom Jeans on his "ghetto blaster" that seriously was bigger than Miss C.


More of the market...I never claimed to be a photographer.

After getting quite tipsy at Dicks Last Res*rt we headed back to the hotel where I napped and SP watched football. The best of both worlds I must say. We then decided to just hang out in Cambridge for dinner. That proved to be an interesting adventure that had us walking down a deserted road behind the institute of technology. We saw about 5 people our entire 15 minute walk and speculated as to where in the hell people who attended that school ate.

We finally stumbled upon an Irish bar that was a perfect fit for us and when the 8 piece band came in, despite being exhausted, we hung out for a few tunes. The band was great and the food and seasonal brew were also a hit. I seriously look like someone punched me in the eyes in this picture and I only had one drink. Shockingly, when we left the area was buzzing with activity that only a couple hours before had been eerily missing.

Boston was a nice town. Very active with people walking, rowing, running and riding bikes at all hours of the day and night. SP would love to live there, I on the other hand will go not go any more North than we already are. Still, it was exactly what we needed and I am glad we went.

First Miss C

Mighty Mighty Bahston

The night before we left I sobbed profusely over independence lost, overspending to fill some void I could not name, my sense of failure at being the best mom, wife, employee, friend imaginable and the guilt that came from feeling any one of these things. My brain felt like a coiled mess of insecurities, sadness of being away from home, drama over my perception of aloneness and who exactly I was supposed to be and this tugging feeling that no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to uncoil this self inflicted mess.

We were up until after 1. We woke up to leave at 7. My eyes ached from the crying. We both walked like zombies to the airport pushing through the sludgey remnants of the previous nights discussions. Neither of us quite sure how to fill the huge void that my professions had left between us.

I think we left it all behind at some point along the Charles River somewhere between Cambridge and Y@wkey Way. It was the silent dance of forgiveness and togetherness that I needed for myself and we needed for each other.

SP would never speak of any struggle, it is not in his nature and I would only speak of it after the fact. It's too real to speak of it while living it and too personal to lay out there until the wound is healing. And it's healing, thanks to Boston.

More to come...

The long and the short of it

• Been a little busy trying to get things squared away for our weekend in Boston.
• Had my girls weekend at the lake last weekend. What can I say, I have good girlfriends who make me laugh and cry and feel pretty normal.
• I know I need that time because laughter is the best medicine and girlfriends well, the good ones, love you regardless of your imperfections and actually may even love you more because of them.
• Overall last weekend was a weekend of friends...lunch with friends, coffee with a friend, the lake with friends. All of which I needed more than words can convey.
• I also started my writing group back up this week. The dynamics of the group have changed but the principals have not.
• I spent some of my free time today writing. It felt good. Now if I could just stop writing about myself.
• Trying to shed those last few baby pounds. I know it's possible, I am just struggling a bit with how to incorporate Miss C into my exercise routine.
• We did buy one of those things you hook up to the bike that she can ride in, it just makes me a little nervous so we haven't done a full fledged ride yet.
• And honestly, it just looks like a lot of effort to go and ride my bike which is my RELAXING time. So, need to get over that too.
• This weekend is our trip to Boston that I planned while pregnant. We are going to a baseball game and then well, we need to do a rekindling of the love life and mending of our marriage.
• It's not that we are heading off to divorce court, far from it, but we have been very baby focused for the last 6 months and now need to recharge our relationship batteries and have some one-on-one time.
• Miss C is with her grandparents this weekend getting spoiled rotten and her mom is being teased with the idea of feeding soft serve to a 6 month old and late night parties in her crib.
• SP and I are both struggling a bit with our first out of town trip away from our girl. It feels different since we won't be just a couple hours up the road.
• I think some cocktails will lessen that anxiety a bit.
• Miss C waves, spins around in circles on her belly and we believe is/was experiencing a bit of a growth spurt this week that had her consuming mass quantities of formula, cereal and veggies.
• Her teeth are slowly coming in and are now clearly visable.
• It looks like she will be a brunette or maybe a redhead. Right now it depends on the light.
• She still does not look like me...bummer.
• I think that's it for now.
• Happy Labor Day!

6 Month Stats

We took Miss C to the doctor on Thursday for her 6 Month appointment. She was 15.15 pounds, 25 3/4 inches and in the 50th percentile for both height and weight. There are 2 teeth that have broken through her gums and she got 4 shots while we were there.

The doctor said we can now move forward with regularly feeding her solid foods and we tried sweet peas this weekend which she LOVED so much she grabbed the spoon to shove them in her mouth. The new feeding routine is bottle for breakfast, bottle and cereal for lunch, bottle and veggie for 4 PM feeding and then her "cluster" feedings at 7 and 9. She's putting back a whopping 30 - 35 ounces of formula a day plus the food.

It seems like in the last week she has sat up (literally) and said, "hey I am 6 months old and will do new things now" whether we were prepared for it or not. She sits all on her own now and plays with very little falling over. Last night I sat her up in her bathtub and let her play with the new stackable cups I bought her. She liked pouring the water out and the sticking the cups in her mouth.

We go to Boston next weekend and I am a little freaked out about being so far away but I know she will have a great time with her grandparents.

Pictures

Miss C with a new toy.



Hanging out with Dad in the morning and sitting like a pro.



Chillin' with Granny at lunch during her visit.

6 Month Observations of Miss C

Dear Baby Girl,
Tomorrow you will be 6 months old. Half way to a whole year. Today you showed us just how much you are growing by producing the sharp points of a little tooth in your mouth and successfully sitting on your own for an extended period of time. Both achievements are both exciting and sad to me. Exciting because these firsts, each and every one of them, make me proud. You are growing as you should and becoming a little girl and no longer a baby. Yet, it is that fact as well that makes me sad. But I won't dwell on the sadness let's talk about the good stuff.

I truly believe your happiness is a gift and that your smile and laughter is what makes you uniquely you. Dad and I act like fools to get that smile and laugh and honestly Little Bit, you are easily amused by the two of us. All Dad has to fly you around as "C-Coper" requesting a fly by which involves kisses and you giggle with glee. I, on the other hand, like to sing and dance with you much to Granny's surprise. She says I never sang until you came along. But sing we do, and a lot of it. All three of us partake in 'C baby you're the one' our own take on the Rubber Ducky song.

We play a lot in the evenings when Dad and I get home. You love being on your belly now which is so different from just a few months ago. It's not uncommone to find you far from where you started and usually off the playmat and sometimes even off the carpet. There have been a few instances of forward movement indicating a crawl or two is in your future, but nothing yet. Right now you just like getting to things to shove them in your mouth. The new bear Nana and Papa got you now smells like your stinky formula. Actually, everything does.

Thursday we go to the doctor for your check up. I am curious to see how much you weigh now. We are moving out of all 3-6 month clothes and fully into 6 month and beyond. I have a feeling you are going to be a petite girl like your mom, unless you have some surprising growth spurt and end up 6 feet like your Dad. I am hoping for something in between.

Your Dad asked me the other day if I thought you recognized us as your parents...the two people in the world who love you more than anything else. And, I honestly think you do. I hope and pray that what we are giving you now as parents builds a foundation for who you will become as a person. I can wait to take this journey into the next 6 months and beyond with you.

Happy 6 Month Birthday Baby Girl! Mom and Dad Love You!

Not pregnant and other things

While Dawn and I like to do things together, it would seem, I will not be getting pregnant to experience a second child with her. I am quite content with where things are right now with Miss C and really, let's be honest, pregnancy didn't suit me. Vomiting is too fresh in my mind right. We will have another child one day, just no plans to do it any time soon.

So, for now, Dawn gets the spotlight all to herself. Oh and the morning sickness too. Ha!

We took Miss C for her 6 month pictures this weekend. That girl was a trooper considering they were running late and she was due for a nap. The photos turned out great and I will post a few for you to see soon.

We fed Miss C some squash this weekend and she appeared to like it. I am struggling a bit in trying to determine though if her fussiness and flat out crying last night and at points yesterday were from her belly hurting or her gums. I am leaning towards the gums because of the way she is drooling and gnawing on anything not nailed down. But, just to be safe I am holding off on the squash today to see what happens.

Because she's so happy all of the time, it's real easy to tell when she doesn't feel good. The difficult part is trying to determine what is wrong. I can decipher most signs associated with hunger or being tired. It's those new things, like introducing foods and getting teeth that are still throwing me a bit. And man, is it like a switch is flipped. One second she is all laughs and happy giggles and the next, it's like she is kicked in the gums and she wails. Oh, our drama child.

We're working on her sitting up and crawling as well as waving. Amy has got her waving, though not real consistently. It's funny because she sticks her arm out and opens and closes her hand over and over again while moving her wrist from left to right.

Granny came to visit this weekend and her and Miss C got some bonding time. We had a nice visit and both of us were sad to see Granny go. Hopefully Granny will come back, even though it was a heck of a night when a water main broke in our front lawn and we were at a movie. Good times. All is fixed now.

Have a great Monday.

Get a move on

I have been enjoying Miss C so much that I haven't written as much as I normally would.

We've been working on her sitting up on her own. Sometimes she does it without thinking but it's just not her thing right now. She seems to enjoy more leaning back against me and playing. I figure that there will come a point when she won't want to do that so I am enjoying it while it lasts.

She's also been displaying her sense of determination and ability to get where she wants even if she can't do it going forward. There's a lot of scooting backwards and rolling around. Typically where she starts out is not where she ends up, especially if there's a favorite toy around. Yesterday she actually pushed herself forward so the crawling will be coming soon.

Right now she doesn't have any teeth showing but she is definitely teething. It's currently impacting her eating and sleeping. She's overall still a very happy baby but when her teeth/gums hurt you know it.

We are back on solids after a brief break due to a bout with diarrhea. While a lot of what we read says that the teething doesn't cause diarrhea, I am not so sure. Everything with the teething seems to have kicked into high gear this last week and I think that is part of it too.

This weekend Miss C visited Louisville so mom and dad could have a night out. We needed it. And tomorrow night we are going to our first movie since Miss C was born. Amy is going to stay late so we can go.

It's been somewhat challenging living here without my family or any real support system. I expected it to be trying, but I really didn't expect it to be this difficult. If I lived at home I would just go to visit my sister or my parents or my friends and hang out. Getting a break or going on a date to a movie wouldn't require strategic planning and mental duress worrying that I am burdening someone by asking them for help. It sucks really. I always thought I'd be back home when I had children and this wouldn't be an issue. As a result I have been quite resistant to accepting it as a decision I made coming here and have instead opted to just be pissed off about it. I can say that now, because I am working through it, but up until now...WOW! that's all I can say.

So, my point is this...Miss C is fabulous and a shining light in my life that I want to absorb and enjoy every second of every minute of every day. Her smile is delightfully contagious and the way she screeches with laughter when we dance or when she sees herself in the mirror makes me feel like I have done something so right in this life. The other stuff, being away from home, having a pity party for myself, well...that's just life too and I'll get over it. I always do.

Random pics

I have been quite deficient in posting here. Sorry about that. Will do better. Here are some pictures to tide you over.

Rachel

Please say a prayer, send good vibes, whatever it is you do, for Little Rachel the 2 year old daughter of SP's cousin. I am not sure if I mentioned her here before. She has spent a vast majority of her life in the hospital fighting c@ncer. She was home and in remission. Today she had surgery on a spot on her face to see what it was and the prognosis is not looking good.

My heart is breaking for Rachel and her family.

Sleep

I am sitting on the floor in Miss C's room, in the dark, listening to her jibber jabber while shoving her fingers into her mouth fighting sleep. This is where the only internet connection in the house is and I can't use my wireless without losing a connection and needed to send a work email.

I feel like we are at a transition with Miss C regarding her sleep and are on a slippery slope with regards to her sleep routine. We've worked really hard, REALLY HARD to get her in a routine and so far it's working pretty well. No complaints except for the random party in her crib.

The part where it gets slippery is that she is on the edge of realizing that her cries get a response. There has always been, for the most part, a little vocalization before falling asleep when she is too tired to know to just relax and go with it. But I am afraid that a) she will become entirely too dependent upon her pacifier and b) that during the day, while I LOVE having Amy here to watch her, that she may get used to being held to fall asleep. So, we are working on both.

I'll let you know how it goes.