Monday, February 25, 2008
Labor Coach
Deep within my heart of hearts I never doubted SP's ability to be both an amazing labor coach and father. Hormones and insecurity are a bitch and do funny things to ones sanity. So, I did doubt him more than once during my pregnancy. I never claimed to be perfect.
SP has a jokesters personality. He likes to be the funny guy and to many people that is all they see. That is not all I see, unless my perspective is obscured by hormones and pregnancy, and it's why I fell in love with him and married him. Yes, he makes me laugh...there is no doubt about that, but when I need him, truly need him, he steps up to the plate with ease.
That is what happened when I went into labor. He was totally me focused and my breathing and helping to ease my discomfort. He stepped up and while I am sure I would have labored through without him, it would have been a totally different and likely less tolerable experience were I to have done it without him.
He made me feel strong and capable of getting through the labor. I also felt safe and supported throughout the entire process. I could not have asked for a better partner.
SP has a jokesters personality. He likes to be the funny guy and to many people that is all they see. That is not all I see, unless my perspective is obscured by hormones and pregnancy, and it's why I fell in love with him and married him. Yes, he makes me laugh...there is no doubt about that, but when I need him, truly need him, he steps up to the plate with ease.
That is what happened when I went into labor. He was totally me focused and my breathing and helping to ease my discomfort. He stepped up and while I am sure I would have labored through without him, it would have been a totally different and likely less tolerable experience were I to have done it without him.
He made me feel strong and capable of getting through the labor. I also felt safe and supported throughout the entire process. I could not have asked for a better partner.
Labor - Game on
Tuesday of last week I lost my mucus plug at work. Really lost it. Not what I thought was the plug...and there was a difference. A big difference. I also started getting a little crampy and even told a co-worker I thought the day had arrived. Of course, I had been saying that for DAYS so I only half believed it.
That night went as usual for me. We watched The B*ggest Loser and SP made dinner. I even bounced on the exercise ball trying to bounce the baby out. When bed time came, well, I figured I would get up the next day and go to work like I had the day before.
I was up around 11 a little uncomfortable but it wasn't until closer to midnight that I thought maybe something was a little different. The discomfort was different. Sometimes in the front like cramps. Sometimes in the back like a bad back ache. I tried to get comfortable and sleep but the discomfort increased and at times it was both in the front and the back.
I took a shower. I woke SP. I called the Doctor on call around 2. I was having what I soon discovered were contractions every 5 minutes or so...that whole timing thing is for the birds.
The doc on call is a pretty hard core chick. I like her but I didn't like it when she told me that she could tell by the sound of my voice that I didn't need to come in. She told me I wasn't in enough pain and here I thought I was. So, I stayed home based on her recommendation because I didn't want to be sent home and she thought that would be the case if I came in.
So for the next 4 hours or so SP rubbed my back with Copper's slobbery tennis ball. I took a bath. I lay in bed listening to my "very slow" labor music while squeezing this hand strengthener thingy that SP has and at times cussed into the pillow.
The weather here was supposed to get bad. It had been snowing with freezing rain and it was approaching that time when people would start heading out to work. I did NOT want to get stuck on the interstate in labor but I wasn't sure if I should go in to the hospital.
Based on our count, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart when we decided to head to the hospital. By this time, I was having what SP was calling light and heavy contractions. During the heavy ones, well, they hurt like a (insert curse word of your choice here) and started making me puke.
We drove to the hospital in the snow with a Kroger bag in my lap and me practically crawling the sides of the car when those heavy contractions came. We parked in the valet area and opted to not use the decorated elevator for moms to be that went straight to the 9th floor.
Thankfully, we had our dry run on Monday so I could bypass a lot of those questions about whether I was abused or used drugs. I continued to puke with each heavy contraction and also was peeing too. Glamorous.
We opted to not call anyone before heading to the hospital but I could have shouted it from the roof tops and my family would have heard when they told me that I was 4 cm and would be staying.
As SP said when he made the calls - GAME ON!
That night went as usual for me. We watched The B*ggest Loser and SP made dinner. I even bounced on the exercise ball trying to bounce the baby out. When bed time came, well, I figured I would get up the next day and go to work like I had the day before.
I was up around 11 a little uncomfortable but it wasn't until closer to midnight that I thought maybe something was a little different. The discomfort was different. Sometimes in the front like cramps. Sometimes in the back like a bad back ache. I tried to get comfortable and sleep but the discomfort increased and at times it was both in the front and the back.
I took a shower. I woke SP. I called the Doctor on call around 2. I was having what I soon discovered were contractions every 5 minutes or so...that whole timing thing is for the birds.
The doc on call is a pretty hard core chick. I like her but I didn't like it when she told me that she could tell by the sound of my voice that I didn't need to come in. She told me I wasn't in enough pain and here I thought I was. So, I stayed home based on her recommendation because I didn't want to be sent home and she thought that would be the case if I came in.
So for the next 4 hours or so SP rubbed my back with Copper's slobbery tennis ball. I took a bath. I lay in bed listening to my "very slow" labor music while squeezing this hand strengthener thingy that SP has and at times cussed into the pillow.
The weather here was supposed to get bad. It had been snowing with freezing rain and it was approaching that time when people would start heading out to work. I did NOT want to get stuck on the interstate in labor but I wasn't sure if I should go in to the hospital.
Based on our count, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart when we decided to head to the hospital. By this time, I was having what SP was calling light and heavy contractions. During the heavy ones, well, they hurt like a (insert curse word of your choice here) and started making me puke.
We drove to the hospital in the snow with a Kroger bag in my lap and me practically crawling the sides of the car when those heavy contractions came. We parked in the valet area and opted to not use the decorated elevator for moms to be that went straight to the 9th floor.
Thankfully, we had our dry run on Monday so I could bypass a lot of those questions about whether I was abused or used drugs. I continued to puke with each heavy contraction and also was peeing too. Glamorous.
We opted to not call anyone before heading to the hospital but I could have shouted it from the roof tops and my family would have heard when they told me that I was 4 cm and would be staying.
As SP said when he made the calls - GAME ON!
Wow!
It's been one crazy ride these last few days. I promise to tell you all about the labor and delivery of Miss C (name withheld to protect her privacy) when I get a second. The bottom line is that my husband is AMAZING...even if pregnancy hormones made me want to hurt him at times over the last nine months. I could not have asked for a better labor or delivery, even with the 8 or so hours of non-epidural eased contractions that made me vomit when they were real bad.
People told me that I would miss having the baby in my belly and honestly, I haven't had that yet. I would miss here more if she were back in there having met her and basked in her beautifulness. She truly is amazing, even when crying and screaming when I try to sleep or feed her. I wouldn't go back to the pregnancy for anything now that I know how it feels to be her mom.
Thanks to everyone for their kind words and congratulations. I know there are those of you who I may have missed with the thank you's for gifts pre-delivery and I apologize profusely for that. THANK YOU!
Now I am off to rest and feed my girl.
Today I feel: relieved that the nurse home visit went well and that both C and I are progressing nicely. I am also thrilled to have my husband home helping out.
People told me that I would miss having the baby in my belly and honestly, I haven't had that yet. I would miss here more if she were back in there having met her and basked in her beautifulness. She truly is amazing, even when crying and screaming when I try to sleep or feed her. I wouldn't go back to the pregnancy for anything now that I know how it feels to be her mom.
Thanks to everyone for their kind words and congratulations. I know there are those of you who I may have missed with the thank you's for gifts pre-delivery and I apologize profusely for that. THANK YOU!
Now I am off to rest and feed my girl.
Today I feel: relieved that the nurse home visit went well and that both C and I are progressing nicely. I am also thrilled to have my husband home helping out.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Welcome Miss Mia
My sister and Mike welcomed their little girl, Mia, today! I am an auntie.
Mia is 7 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches. She has dark hair and Dawn says she looks like her dad.
I can't wait to meet her!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Mia is 7 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches. She has dark hair and Dawn says she looks like her dad.
I can't wait to meet her!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Monday, February 18, 2008
And this is SO much better...
Woke up this morning in the 5 o'clock hour with a wetness that I did not associate with peeing the bed. I changed and sat there for 20 minutes trying to determine if I had just peed myself or if my water had actually broke.
For the record, I have peed my pants numerous times during this pregnancy...when puking, while at work and Target, etc. Not once have I peed while I was sleeping. Not once.
So, I woke SP up with a little bit of excitement because of the prospect that it could be THE DAY. Called the doctor and we determined that I wouldn't wait until my 9 AM appointment I'd go ahead and come to the hospital.
The overall point of this post is to say that SP and I passed our trial run to the hospital with flying colors. We didn't panic or freak or lose our minds in the process of finding out my water had not broke and I had in fact just wet the bed. We did pretty well considering. And while I SWEAR that it was NOT pee, I have to trust the multiple tests and exams I had this morning.
Because they did all the tests at the hospital I didn't have to go to my appointment. Baby's heart rate was good, mine was elevated when we first got there. Amniotic fluid per the ultrasound was good as well. 2 cm dilated. Irregular contractions.
My options at that point were to go home and walk or walk around the hospital. So, we went home and I slept for a bit. Then went to work with no changes. Disappointing but I was not really disappointed because we had discussed on the way to the hospital that it was likely a false alarm. I was prepared for that.
Now, tonight, we just got home from walking in the mall where I have either wet my pants or my water has broke. I am opting for door number 2 but am monitoring closely in the event something changes.
Today I feel: a little scatterbrained...I asked a friend how her daughter's first birthday was knowing good and well it's not her birthday for a bit longer. I KNEW it, but asked anyway.
For the record, I have peed my pants numerous times during this pregnancy...when puking, while at work and Target, etc. Not once have I peed while I was sleeping. Not once.
So, I woke SP up with a little bit of excitement because of the prospect that it could be THE DAY. Called the doctor and we determined that I wouldn't wait until my 9 AM appointment I'd go ahead and come to the hospital.
The overall point of this post is to say that SP and I passed our trial run to the hospital with flying colors. We didn't panic or freak or lose our minds in the process of finding out my water had not broke and I had in fact just wet the bed. We did pretty well considering. And while I SWEAR that it was NOT pee, I have to trust the multiple tests and exams I had this morning.
Because they did all the tests at the hospital I didn't have to go to my appointment. Baby's heart rate was good, mine was elevated when we first got there. Amniotic fluid per the ultrasound was good as well. 2 cm dilated. Irregular contractions.
My options at that point were to go home and walk or walk around the hospital. So, we went home and I slept for a bit. Then went to work with no changes. Disappointing but I was not really disappointed because we had discussed on the way to the hospital that it was likely a false alarm. I was prepared for that.
Now, tonight, we just got home from walking in the mall where I have either wet my pants or my water has broke. I am opting for door number 2 but am monitoring closely in the event something changes.
Today I feel: a little scatterbrained...I asked a friend how her daughter's first birthday was knowing good and well it's not her birthday for a bit longer. I KNEW it, but asked anyway.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
D - Day
If life were like the ticker bar at the top of this blog, today would be the day I delivered Biscuit. I would have successfully made my way through 9 months of pregnancy and given birth an the snap of a finger. February 16 would be "the day" that would forever change my life.
Life, my life, isn't like that.
My life is like this:
Life, my life, isn't like that.
My life is like this:
- Pee your pants in the middle of T*rget because your sister made you laugh so hard you were crying and peeing at the same time.
- Have the security guard at work ask if you need a wheel chair as you waddle your pregnant ass up the steps 1 day before your due date.
- Wear the same pants twice in one week to work because you are now limited to 3 pairs of pants and one skirt that are both suitable for the weather and fit.
- Buy a new mattress but can't sleep on for a full night.
- Feel like a stake is being driven through the left side of your pelvis.
- Wish you were excited about the pending birth of your first child but really only wish it was over.
- Cry because you can't be there when your sister has her baby.
- Cry because you miss the shuttle at work because you can't walk faster down the steps to catch it.
- Find it harder and harder to keep your hormones in check at work.
- Pee A LOT.
- Have diarrhea.
- Go to the cosmetic counter and the mall for powder and walk away with your face made up like a pregnant hooker.
- Get a much needed visit from your Dad and Sue complete with Dad hugs that always make things better.
- Realize for the gazillionth time how great my parents are and hope that I can be half as great as they are to my own daughter.
My life is not textbook or storybook. It's not always pretty or perfect or without complaint from me. But it is mine and while I would have much preferred to have an easy pregnancy and the birth of my child NOT exceed my proposed due date, it is what it is. So, soon Biscuit will be here and I am sure that experience will rock my world just like this has.
It's likely we'll take the laptop to the hospital. It seems very me to write about my experience when I can. So, just you wait.
Today I feel: better than I have all week. But not in the way that makes me want to clean the floors with a toothbrush.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
2 Days
Not much to report here. I broke my laptop so that is keeping me from posting more. I've used SPs but really just liked mine so I need to get it fixed.
I am still pregnant.
People keep saying "your're still here?" at work and every time I want to SCREAM. There's a woman who keeps telling me my NOSE is getting rounder and that means I am close. Matches all the other things that are getting rounder so it seems fitting. I find this to be ridiculous but maybe my nose knows something I don't?
My hands are still bothering me and the left side of my pelvis feels like someone has driven a spike through it. Not sure what that is all about because the right side is fine. I waddle when I walk mostly from this discomfort and a little because I don't care anymore.
I have had numerous conversations with my soon to be born daughter but she does not appear to have plans to get a move on. Given that Dawn is having her c-section on Tuesday I have given up hope that I will be able to be there. That has been pretty upsetting for me but there really isn't anything I can do about it.
This week I have worn the same pair of pants twice. Clean of course, but damn I am out of work clothes that fit comfortably and I refuse to buy anything else. I did break down and buy an extender for my bra because these ta-tas are ginormous.
So, by next Tuesday I will be an auntie and by next MAY I will be a mom. :)
Today I feel: better than yesterday.
I am still pregnant.
People keep saying "your're still here?" at work and every time I want to SCREAM. There's a woman who keeps telling me my NOSE is getting rounder and that means I am close. Matches all the other things that are getting rounder so it seems fitting. I find this to be ridiculous but maybe my nose knows something I don't?
My hands are still bothering me and the left side of my pelvis feels like someone has driven a spike through it. Not sure what that is all about because the right side is fine. I waddle when I walk mostly from this discomfort and a little because I don't care anymore.
I have had numerous conversations with my soon to be born daughter but she does not appear to have plans to get a move on. Given that Dawn is having her c-section on Tuesday I have given up hope that I will be able to be there. That has been pretty upsetting for me but there really isn't anything I can do about it.
This week I have worn the same pair of pants twice. Clean of course, but damn I am out of work clothes that fit comfortably and I refuse to buy anything else. I did break down and buy an extender for my bra because these ta-tas are ginormous.
So, by next Tuesday I will be an auntie and by next MAY I will be a mom. :)
Today I feel: better than yesterday.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
4 Days
I figured I'd scare the hell out of you at 39+ weeks. Thankfully SP does not zoom when he take these photos. I am in my jammies and had just consumed a bucket of hot wings, fries and some brownie concoction that I hoped would put me into labor. No such luck because here I am, still pregnant with 4 days until my due date.
Today I am still at home because it snowed and iced overnight. I typically would just in the 4x4 and drive to work because I am not afraid to drive in the snow and ice. The key is to take your time and really we didn't get that much snow or ice.
However, I am always fearful of other drivers who are complete and total idiots regardless of the road conditions. Many of these are my fellow owners of 4 wheel drives. Just because you have this type of vehicle doesn't mean you have a special barrier against sliding and accidents. To my knowledge they haven't invented that yet.
So, being 4 days before my due date I am apprehensive about risking my safety and subsequently Biscuit's safety to go to work. The draw backs are unfortunately there. The primary one being if I stay home and use my paid time off that is one more day I am off on maternity leave without pay bringing the total to 7 weeks. Add to that we have to pay my benefits while I am off and that's a bit of change out of our pockets. Have I mentioned I think our maternity leave policy sucks?
My plan at this point is to wait a little bit longer and then attempt to go in. If I think it's too risky, I'll just turn around and come home and suck up yet another day without pay.
Today I feel: better than I have over the last few days. Hormones are a bitch.
Monday, February 11, 2008
It means nothing?
This weekend Mom came to visit. I was nice to have her here and just hang out. I am a little homesick right now on top of everything else. I try to go home regularly to get that little bit of TLC I need. SP is wonderful, but the reality is he cannot be everything I need nor do I expect him to be. Family and friends are important too. So, having my mom here helped quite a bit.
I went to the doctor today for what was my "final" regular appointment. Same old shit different appointment. Biscuit continues to grow which is good for her, bad for me. Her heartbeat sounds good and strong. Her head is still down. She just doesn't have any desire to come out of this cozy little bungalow that I have created for her.
Funny isn't it how she is perfectly content in there with her happy self and I am out here moaning and groaning. I guess maybe I am not such a crap ass mom so far because I did give my girl the optimal environment to thrive. Now, she is so comfy she doesn't want to leave.
While at the appointment the doctor asked me how I was doing to which I replied that I was a hormonal wreck. As usual, this is "normal" and I wanted to scream.
Then he did the pelvic exam and said, "last week you were at 1 cm, right?" To which I replied, "for the last two weeks. I am hoping this week there's some change." Then, he said much to my surprise, "dilation really doesn't tell us when you are going to go into labor." And I promptly responded mid-exam, "then why are you doing the exam, for fun?"
The nurse was cracking up. I don't think the doctor thought I was as funny. Seriously, if you are feeling the top of my baby's head and giving me this 1 cm, 70% effaced BS shouldn't that MEAN something? Otherwise, why bother? I can tell you without an exam and without a doubt that she is still in there.
Next steps are to either have this baby or go back on Monday for the Non-Stress Test. That will determine where we go from here. Either way, there will be a baby around here soon.
Today I feel: pregnant
I went to the doctor today for what was my "final" regular appointment. Same old shit different appointment. Biscuit continues to grow which is good for her, bad for me. Her heartbeat sounds good and strong. Her head is still down. She just doesn't have any desire to come out of this cozy little bungalow that I have created for her.
Funny isn't it how she is perfectly content in there with her happy self and I am out here moaning and groaning. I guess maybe I am not such a crap ass mom so far because I did give my girl the optimal environment to thrive. Now, she is so comfy she doesn't want to leave.
While at the appointment the doctor asked me how I was doing to which I replied that I was a hormonal wreck. As usual, this is "normal" and I wanted to scream.
Then he did the pelvic exam and said, "last week you were at 1 cm, right?" To which I replied, "for the last two weeks. I am hoping this week there's some change." Then, he said much to my surprise, "dilation really doesn't tell us when you are going to go into labor." And I promptly responded mid-exam, "then why are you doing the exam, for fun?"
The nurse was cracking up. I don't think the doctor thought I was as funny. Seriously, if you are feeling the top of my baby's head and giving me this 1 cm, 70% effaced BS shouldn't that MEAN something? Otherwise, why bother? I can tell you without an exam and without a doubt that she is still in there.
Next steps are to either have this baby or go back on Monday for the Non-Stress Test. That will determine where we go from here. Either way, there will be a baby around here soon.
Today I feel: pregnant
Monday, February 4, 2008
38 Weeks and Melting Down
Today found me crying in the parking lot of a bagel place that is next to my OBGYN. I cried, A LOT. This was after I went to the doctor, not because of a bad bagel. The bagel was actually really good and hit the spot.
The crying was because today I found out nothing had changed. 1 cm and 70% effaced. Absolutely NO f-ing change and I officially reached my breaking point.
I have tried really hard to not get hung up on a due date or to convince myself that I would go into labor on a specific day. Unfortunately, when you are puking randomly again, swelling like a balloon, gain weight like there's no tomorrow and sleeping like shit, it's difficult to NOT get hung up on a date.
I am due in 12 days. If I reach that date, I will have to wait another 7-8 days before an induction as per my doctor 80-90% of women go into labor on their own during that time. And...there are risks associated with induction that they try to avoid.
So the reality is that I will have this baby before the end of the month which is a positive and a negative. This isn't a surprise I am just sorta miserable both mentally and physically and I needed to cry it out.
The other bonus of a moment was when the doctor was doing the exam and while pushing from one end also reached his hand up on top of my stomach and said, "I am going to push her bottom down a bit too." I was getting pressed from both directions and honestly all I could think about was if you can push her ass down, why can't you push her all the way out?
The plus side of my visit is that her heartbeat is good and everything in her world is perfect. It's just the baby brewer needed to have a meltdown so she could regroup and get her shit together in preparation for the actual arrival of her little girl.
Today I feel: all crampy from my compression. I also feel cleansed a bit from my cry. I am ready to be a mom with all it's ups and downs and over being a pregnant person.
PS - side note to send good vibes to Tracy who had back surgery today and Cathy who had a heart attack over the weekend. Both are doing ok based on what I know at this time and I'd like to keep it that way.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
You can milk anything with teets
Today I totally bailed on the breastfeeding class. It was free so it's not like I am out any money. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't the topic or anything but I just didn't want to go, so I didn't. It's amazing how guilty I felt for like a second, then I rolled over and went back to sleep.
The way I justified it in my head was a) I bought a book on breastfeeding awhile back and have read it, b) there will be lactation consultants at the hospital to help and c) boobs have been around FOREVER and nobody showed the pioneer women how to breastfeed on a Saturday for 2 hours. If I need help, I'll get it.
There really isn't much else to report from here. I told my mom this week that pregnancy doesn't really suit me. I hope I am better at being a mom because I think I failed miserably a the glowing pregnant goddess thing.
Today I feel: anxiously awaiting Biscuit's arrival
The way I justified it in my head was a) I bought a book on breastfeeding awhile back and have read it, b) there will be lactation consultants at the hospital to help and c) boobs have been around FOREVER and nobody showed the pioneer women how to breastfeed on a Saturday for 2 hours. If I need help, I'll get it.
There really isn't much else to report from here. I told my mom this week that pregnancy doesn't really suit me. I hope I am better at being a mom because I think I failed miserably a the glowing pregnant goddess thing.
Today I feel: anxiously awaiting Biscuit's arrival
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