First day taking lunch sweetness

As a mom sometimes you have rein yourself in with all the "I think my kids are the best fucking kids on the planet!!!" discussions. Not everyone wants to hear my cute kid stories...shocking. But, they are cute nonetheless and deserve to be told so one day my girls will know just how ridiculously awesome I thought they were should they ever doubt it.

Yesterday was Cara's first full day of kindergarten. She opted to take her lunch in her new lunchbox that her Daddy bought her. We packed: PB&J, cucumbers, blueberries, cheese, applesauce and a goldfish/pretzel mix. She picked out everything and just kept adding and adding.

When she came home I asked her how her lunch was. First comment was that it was too much food and then she proceeded to tell me what she did eat...1/2 PB&J, all the cucumbers except 1, all blueberries, cheese and apples, and a little of the goldfish and pretzels.

As I proceeded to open her lunch box and take out the leftovers and freezer pack, I noticed that her trash was still in the lunch box. She didn't know where to throw her trash away at school so she just brought it all back home. As SP told me this, I turned to look at her sweet innocent face and could tell she thought she did something wrong even though she didn't.

So, we told her what a great job she did and how we could reuse the ziplock baggies after we cleaned them. Great recycling efforts and all that. I then gently encouraged her to ask where the trash was so she could throw her stuff away.

I cannot even begin to describe her super sweet face when we had this conversation. She was on the fence about whether or not what she did was right and it was such an opportunity for us to encourage and support her. Love her.

Kindergarten Day 1

On the day Cara was born I felt this intense rush of emotion the moment I delivered her. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever felt before...love, pride, joy, connectedness and things I can't fully describe and had never felt with anyone before. She was mine and I was hers. That bond was strong.

I doubt sometimes if I am a good Mommy and if we are doing right by her with our parenting. I worry about her...A LOT but try to temper my worry with confidence and praise whenever possible. I want so much for her (her sister too but this is about Cara today) and know there are many things outside of my control...but there are some things that are.

I do my best to prepare them for what is coming, to not spring things on them and to talk about everything. Maybe to a fault. But, on days like today I think my desire to prepare the girls and talk it all out works to my advantage. Cara did AWESOME!

When I work her up she was super excited kicking her arms and legs with a frenzy. Her smile was from ear to ear. Then she wanted to put her uniform on and it was honestly the first time in awhile that getting dressed in the morning was not a super struggle. We ate. We did our hair with new bows that Nana made for her and then we were out the door.

We were the first kindergarteners in her class to arrive. Her teacher, Mrs. King was already there. Cara walked right in and after a little hand holding and me walking around with her, she jumped right in. She interacted with other kids, with out help. She was excited when Mia arrived. She just seemed ready.

As the room started to fill up and more and more kids arrived, she seemed less interested in us and more interested in what was happening in the room. With a little head nod to Paul and a quick hug and kiss we were out the door. She never cried or seemed phased by our leaving. This may change, but today it was great.

I got teary as we walked to the car but not so much out of sadness as pride. She is growing up and I really like the little girl she is growing up to be. I saw confidence and happiness. I saw that we had prepared her as best we could and she was as ready as she was going to be.

When I picked her up at lunch time she wore a big smile on her face. Then she proceeded to detail out for me what was important and not important that she had brought home. They played outside. They ate a snack. They read The Kissing Hand, twice. At first she met no one and then she proceeded to tell me about Rachel, Claire and Mya who she met and that Nicolas sat with Mia. She asked to go back. She loved it.

What a relief.

Where has the time gone?

I am not sure at what point this little baby turned into this beautiful little girl. But here we are.

In a few short days Miss C will start kindergarten. As I watch her, I know she is ready. But getting to that first day will not be without it's challenges.

G, her best friend at school, had his last dayday two whole weeks before school starts. He is spending the week at a camp at his new school and the a week with his grandparents before school starts. Cara is devastated and her behavior has reached maximum levels of crying and acting out. I know she is struggling with this loss as it seems permanent even though we have gone to great lengths with his parents to ensure they still see each other.

The thing about change is that it happens pretty much daily. Some times the change is minor and other times, like now, the change is so great that it impacts everyone in the family. Cara will be in Kindergarten at a new school with new expectations, friends, adventures, etc. Ramsey will be in a new class at the same school, but without her big sister to keep an eye on her (and vice versa). Mommy and Daddy are watching as their oldest child starts to become not so little anymore.

As we approach Day 1 of Kindergarten I recall some of her prior firsts with regards to school. Making the decision to take her out of her first daycare and move to having Miss Amy watch her at home was, at the time, major. The place we thought was ideal for our daughter before she was born proved to not be once we met her.

Then there was the decision to put her in a new facility at my work and no longer have her at home with Miss Amy. Tears were cried. I was a mess. She thrived in that environment.

We've moved schools two other times. Both times there was a period of adjustment for us. A period of crying. A period of freaking out. And then a period of calm and comfort. Everything has a way of working out, even when it seems difficult, sad or even scarey.

Right now we are focused on just getting past the newness and getting into our groove. I know Cara will do great and adjust quickly...her Mom might need a bit more time.

Broken heart

With the start of a new school, comes leaving behind a school Cara has grown quite fond of and will separate her from teachers and friends she truly loves. One such friend is G who she is particularly fond of and refers to as her best friend.

They will not be going to the same school in the Fall and I am not sure she fully understands what that means. But, she is starting to.

We found out that G will only be at school 2 more weeks and then is taking some time off before kindergarten starts. Had to break the news to C last night and the sobs that came out of her little body were heart breaking.

"G is my BEST friend." she cried. And cried. And cried. Big, big tears.

I tried to talk her through it explaining we could still see him and they could still be friends. It's the day-to-day seeing each other than won't be the same, but that is a difficult concept to grasp. We'll keep working on it, but I know this next month or so will be tough for all of us.

Here comes kindergarten

In a few short weeks Miss C will start kindergarten. I see, almost daily, her pushing towards more independence while also clinging to some of her little girl ways. She's ready for kindergarten and I think she will thrive there. I am not so ready.

As I try to help her navigate through all that is coming up, I find myself struggling with my own insecurities and apprehension about school, meeting new people, etc. Trying really, REALLY hard to not screw Cara up with my drama. My intentions are good, just sometimes old memories flair up unexpectedly from my own childhood.

Cara is an amazing little girl and it freaks me out to think something I might do will steer her down the wrong path or impact her life negatively. I try really hard to not do that but know it will happen from time-to-time.

Here's what has been going on so far school wise...

Play dates and notes
A few weeks ago Cara received a handwritten note from the principle of the school she will be attending. Short and sweet but meant a lot and helped get her excited and felt very personal.

In addition to that, they have set up some play dates where the kids can meet and interact with each other on 3 different occasions to make the transition easier. We went to the first one which was at the park and she did great. Hell, she did better than great. She jumped right in and I was so unbelievably proud of her. We'll miss the second one because work just does not always cooperate, but we will definitely make the last one. Then it'll be the real thing.

Uniforms
New school = new uniforms. I ordered these online and when they got delivered the look on Cara's face was priceless. Her eyes lit up and then she had to try everything on. I know there will come a point where the excitement of a new uniform will wear off. So for now, we are living it up.

Supplies
Initially I was going to order all the school supplies online and just have them delivered to the house. Then Dad and Sue graciously offered to buy her school supplies. They went yesterday and picked up everything but her backpack and lunch box. We'll order those special from LL Bean. Cara is a lot like me in that she loves crayons and markers and all that fun stuff. We are extremely fortunate to have Dad and Sue to this for us. Thanks!

More to come...

Play Date #1

We had our first Kindergarten Play Day on Monday for St. Al's. I think I was more nervous than Cara was. She did awesome. I cannot even begin to convey how proud I was of her. There was no shyness or timidness. She just jumped right in. This makes me feel like she is ready for this new phase of her life. I am not, but I am sure some day I will be.

Right now I just see her getting bigger and more mature and while I love it, it makes me sad too. So I cuddle with her a little more. Hold her whenever she wants me to. Really just absorbing those moments because I know one day she won't be willing to crawl up in my lap and let me cuddle with her.

She is an amazing kid. I look forward to seeing where life takes her.

I am scared for her too, but do my best to hide it. The world is a big, intimidating place. Kids and adults are not always nice or trustworthy. I am trying to help maintain her view of the world that is simple and sweet and loving, while also preparing her for the not so great aspects of life.

I love my girl. She is smart and strong and sweet. I watch her be gentle and kind to others and it melts my heart. Kindergarten will be great, I know. She will flourish and grow. I just need to hold on for the ride.

May 3, 2013

Dear Ramsey,
You turned 3 earlier this month and as with your life since birth, time is flying by. I have barely had time to sit down and write to tell you just how amazing you are. There are so many words to describe you: spunky, loveable, strong willed, determined, silly, sensitive, helpful, smart, etc. that I may need a dictionary to describe you because my vocabulary is so limited.

This past year has been one of growth, challenge and change for us both. You are becoming more independent and uniquely you, while I am learning to be your Mommy.

Despite the heartache, it was the best move for us to switch schools. You are thriving at The Gardner School. They have been wonderful helping you learn how to manage your feelings, your sensitivities, and have helped foster your personality and spunk without stifling all that is you. OT has been helping too. When Miss Kristen left for Korea, I thought for sure it would be more difficult but like so many other things, you amazed me with your ability to handle that transition pretty well.

You are a very creative and imaginative little girl. Coloring, drawing, playing babies, pretending and of course, following your big sister around are all your favorite activities. The Mobi-Go is your favorite game aside from my phone. The song Thrift Shop is one you will sing a lot and if you want to hear it you'll tell us you want the "poppin' tags" song. Reading is also something you love to do and I will find you in your bed with your babies all lined up, reading to them.

There's also a fiery, spunky side to you that I do not always understand, but I try. You want to be independent. You want things your way, when you want it. Unfortunately, life does not always work out the way you want and I am trying to guide you without breaking that spirit. I know one day that determination and confidence will be beneficial as you grown up.

For your birthday Daddy and I spent the evening with just you. The next morning the three of us went and had donuts. You love the ones with sprinkles and liked all the icing and sprinkles off the tops. I showed you your book with your pictures from when you were born and up until now. I cannot BELIEVE you are already three.

Thank you for being a part of our family. I love your big hugs, wet kisses, silly smiles and dances and your big-girlness. But please don't grow up too quickly. I want to always be able to snuggly you close and kiss the sweet softness of your head.

Mommy loves you.