On the day Cara was born I felt this intense rush of emotion the moment I delivered her. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever felt before...love, pride, joy, connectedness and things I can't fully describe and had never felt with anyone before. She was mine and I was hers. That bond was strong.
I doubt sometimes if I am a good Mommy and if we are doing right by her with our parenting. I worry about her...A LOT but try to temper my worry with confidence and praise whenever possible. I want so much for her (her sister too but this is about Cara today) and know there are many things outside of my control...but there are some things that are.
I do my best to prepare them for what is coming, to not spring things on them and to talk about everything. Maybe to a fault. But, on days like today I think my desire to prepare the girls and talk it all out works to my advantage. Cara did AWESOME!
When I work her up she was super excited kicking her arms and legs with a frenzy. Her smile was from ear to ear. Then she wanted to put her uniform on and it was honestly the first time in awhile that getting dressed in the morning was not a super struggle. We ate. We did our hair with new bows that Nana made for her and then we were out the door.
We were the first kindergarteners in her class to arrive. Her teacher, Mrs. King was already there. Cara walked right in and after a little hand holding and me walking around with her, she jumped right in. She interacted with other kids, with out help. She was excited when Mia arrived. She just seemed ready.
As the room started to fill up and more and more kids arrived, she seemed less interested in us and more interested in what was happening in the room. With a little head nod to Paul and a quick hug and kiss we were out the door. She never cried or seemed phased by our leaving. This may change, but today it was great.
I got teary as we walked to the car but not so much out of sadness as pride. She is growing up and I really like the little girl she is growing up to be. I saw confidence and happiness. I saw that we had prepared her as best we could and she was as ready as she was going to be.
When I picked her up at lunch time she wore a big smile on her face. Then she proceeded to detail out for me what was important and not important that she had brought home. They played outside. They ate a snack. They read The Kissing Hand, twice. At first she met no one and then she proceeded to tell me about Rachel, Claire and Mya who she met and that Nicolas sat with Mia. She asked to go back. She loved it.
What a relief.
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