Is that nesting or OCD?

Everyone talks about that period before childbirth where you start nesting. When researching I have found that it's often extreme behavior that could involve a toothbrush and some serious cleaning. Now, I never went to medical school or anything but extreme cleaning with a toothbrush seems to be a tad beyond creating a comfy, suitable home for your baby. But if I find myself on my hands and knees with a toothbrush scrubbing the grout, I will most definitely be calling it nesting.

Right now, I am just trying to get organized and you can decide which category I currently fall into. Everyone has been so overwhelmingly generous that I am having trouble finding a place to put things which is a good problem to have. The unfortunate reality is that we live in a house built in the 50s and we live in a world that is in the 2008s. So, the nursery isn't very large and the closet is the size of a linen closet. People were smaller in the 50s and they had smaller needs.
I am sure I'll figure it out but right now, the room is a mess so while I am READY to not be pregnant anymore, I would like Biscuit to stay put until her room is ready. However, that's not likely.

What really matters

Let's be honest, my pregnancy could have been much worse and I know this. I am truly blessed just a little peeved that some of "side effects" have clouded my perspective from time-to-time. Who wouldn't prefer to just glow beautifully and experience 9 months of bliss while pregnant? I sure would which is why I don't love being pregnant.

There are a lot of things I don't love like cleaning the house, having my teeth cleaned, shaving my legs, getting my brows wax, etc. But I love the results of these things. Being a mom is in no way the same as shaving ones legs, but my point is that you can dislike the process but love the outcome.

What really matters in the end is that Biscuit is healthy and that we do our best as parents to raise a kind, generous, loving, happy, considerate, confident, responsible person.

Today I feel: anxious because SP is out of town and while I have 5 weeks left before our girl comes, anything could happen. I have plans in place should I need them. Let's hope they aren't needed. I am also elated at the birth of Allyson and Jeff's baby.

Baby Watch 2008 - Allyson

Congrats to Allyson and Jeff on the birth of their little boy today. Both mom and baby are doing well.

Don't know nothin' bout birthin' no babies

Today was a yucky day with drizzle, gloomy nastiness that makes you want to just curl up with a good book and a soft blanket. Or, go to a child birth class.

Let's be honest shall we? Who wants to spend their entire Saturday at a class that shows you a women delivering a placenta and a doctor examining it? If you do, WOW! Cause that was GROSS. My approach on labor and delivery of late has been knowledge is power. Some things I'd rather have been ignorant about, but I guess it's all part of the process.

Prior to the class SP and I discussed what we thought the people would be like that were there. I thought most would be like us, sorta interested but sorta not. Then there would be at least one dad who was WAY over the top with his excitement even moreso than his wife. I also thought there'd be at least one couple where the coach or support person was not the husband or boyfriend.

Most people were like us. There WAS at least one dad who was over the top but thankfully not too obnoxious. But no mom without her husband or boyfriend. There was also the girl who was 4 cm dilated and who was told she'd deliver in the next 72 hours. She was freaking out, but I can't blame her since she wasn't due until the 20th and just went in for her routine exam.

After today, I am leaning towards going natural with my childbirth. There's likely someone out there who gasped or thinks I am nuts, especially considering that the hospital where I plan to deliver 98% of deliveries are aided by an epidural. Earlier in my pregnancy I said, give me the drugs I don't want to be super woman. But, for some reason, for me at least trying to go natural at first seems the way to go. I can always change my mind and reserve the right to.

You are probably wondering what solidified my thought that I could do it without the epidural. The main one, my husband. He talks a good game but at the end of the day we make a freakin' awesome team and today he showed me that when it came time to get down to business, we could do it together.

Now, I by no means think we are perfect or that this delivery is going to be perfect. But what I do know without a doubt is that I can think of no other person I want with me helping me breathe, relax and deliver Biscuit but him. He listened. He participated. And he knew me and how to help me as we practiced going through the different stages of labor and delivery.

So, labor and delivery, here we come.

Shhh! Don't tell

Today I had a moment where I felt like my non-pregnant self. I wanted to roll around in it like Demi M**re did in that movie where she got all that money for sleeping with Robert Redf*rd.

Everything seems so out of your control when pregnant, including your mind, but today I mentally felt like me. I know it sounds bizarre but I haven't felt like myself in months with regards to my head and what goes on in there. It's been like a cloudy fog thick with such a variety of emotions and thoughts that it was difficult to deal effectively with them all. I am not sure what flipped the switch today, but I think I have some ideas.

For starters, SP and I have had a few of those very significant moments that we often have where things click that had not been clicking before. For awhile we have been trucking along what appeared to be very different paths toward the birth of our girl. Neither path wrong, just different and they have managed to merge somewhere along the way and it's a peaceful feeling.

I have also been getting some sleep. Oh sweet sleep. I officially moved to the sofa before Christmas and plan to stay there until Biscuit comes. It's working. I prop myself up against the back of the sofa and get almost a full night of ZZZZZssss. Sleep does a body and mind good.

And yesterday I was thinking about how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE when people around me are pregnant which is a surprising phenom since there was a time in life where I wanted no part of babies or anything baby related. While there are aspects of my pregnancy that I have loved, I have not really enjoyed being pregnant. Barfing for 2 months straight will do that to a person and I AM a control freak as well as a fitness minded person so all these physical changes have depressed me severely.

Still, the thing I realized is that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my baby and my belly that supports her and these ginormous ta-tas that will feed her. I don't have to love the vomiting, or the pelvic discomfort, or the swelling feet and fingers, or not being able to get up without rolling on my side, or not being able to fit into any of my cute clothes or wear my high heel boots, etc. I can dislike all of those things and that doesn't make me less of a woman or mom-to-be. It makes me honest and real.

So, today, I feel like myself and I needed to feel that way. I hope it lasts.

Take my breath away

It's been clearly established that Biscuit likes my right rib area. She hangs out there and parties a lot. While it's not the most pleasant feeling to have a foreign object pressing against your ribs, I have grown to accept it.

In addition to the rib party, I've been having Braxt*n Hicks contractions or "pre-labor" on and off for a bit. My stomach gets hard as a rock, my back aches a little and sometimes I feel like I have the flu. Then it passes. I haven't really been phased by this, I notice it and then it's over.

Today, I had a feeling I hadn't had before. It was a, WOW! I really can't catch my breath feeling and I was in a meeting, running the meeting and speaking. I had to stop talking for a second and tell the group that I was having a tad bit of trouble breathing hence the odd manner in which I was speaking.

I put my hand at the top center of my belly and it was hard as a rock. Up to this point the hardness had been more in the front and sides of my belly. I don't think it was a contraction, but what the hell do I know? I honestly think my girl was pushing off with her feet to get into a more comfortable position.

When the feeling finally subsided she proceeded to shimmy and shake and do some sort of belly breakdancing and, she's been at it all day. Dancing queen.

Happy New Year

• My uncle died on Christmas Day, so that made the holiday a sad affair. Death doesn't really stop for holidays.
• My grandma seems to be in and out of awareness which is really sad. I think one of the most difficult things is that we have all come to expect that she will be around forever. It is a rare gift to have a grandparent around when their grandchildren are adults. Most people are not this blessed.
• I have spent the last 4 days trying to recover from the hectic month of December. I'd like to think I am a tough chick but it would have been a lot for someone NOT pregnant, add pregnancy and insufficient sleep and this month was just a waste for me.
• Right now I am having mixed feelings about being pregnant. I know I will greatly miss the movement of Biscuit and knowing that right now she is all mine. But, I will not miss the swelling, the inability to do things I would normally do, the pregnancy clothes, the snoring or inability to sleep, the weird shit people say to me, etc.
• I am not really worried about being a mom. SP and I have our own set of things that have prepared us for that. Sure, we'll screw up but we aren't starting completely from scratch.
• Right now, I am worried about delivering Biscuit. I blame this totally on all those women who have scared the shit out of me with their horrific labor stories. Do they NOT remember how anxious THEY were when they had their first baby?
• So, in typical Me fashion, I am trying to prepare both mentally and physically. I am reading a lot and trying not to listen when someone decides to tell me how they were in labor for a month and the pain was indescribable.
• Biscuit will come regardless. I am just having a hard time believing that a body that was designed to conceive and carry children drops that ball at the point of delivery. I must trust my body and not let my mind get in the way.
• I hope everyone has a wonderfully healthy new year!