Shhh! Don't tell

Today I had a moment where I felt like my non-pregnant self. I wanted to roll around in it like Demi M**re did in that movie where she got all that money for sleeping with Robert Redf*rd.

Everything seems so out of your control when pregnant, including your mind, but today I mentally felt like me. I know it sounds bizarre but I haven't felt like myself in months with regards to my head and what goes on in there. It's been like a cloudy fog thick with such a variety of emotions and thoughts that it was difficult to deal effectively with them all. I am not sure what flipped the switch today, but I think I have some ideas.

For starters, SP and I have had a few of those very significant moments that we often have where things click that had not been clicking before. For awhile we have been trucking along what appeared to be very different paths toward the birth of our girl. Neither path wrong, just different and they have managed to merge somewhere along the way and it's a peaceful feeling.

I have also been getting some sleep. Oh sweet sleep. I officially moved to the sofa before Christmas and plan to stay there until Biscuit comes. It's working. I prop myself up against the back of the sofa and get almost a full night of ZZZZZssss. Sleep does a body and mind good.

And yesterday I was thinking about how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE when people around me are pregnant which is a surprising phenom since there was a time in life where I wanted no part of babies or anything baby related. While there are aspects of my pregnancy that I have loved, I have not really enjoyed being pregnant. Barfing for 2 months straight will do that to a person and I AM a control freak as well as a fitness minded person so all these physical changes have depressed me severely.

Still, the thing I realized is that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my baby and my belly that supports her and these ginormous ta-tas that will feed her. I don't have to love the vomiting, or the pelvic discomfort, or the swelling feet and fingers, or not being able to get up without rolling on my side, or not being able to fit into any of my cute clothes or wear my high heel boots, etc. I can dislike all of those things and that doesn't make me less of a woman or mom-to-be. It makes me honest and real.

So, today, I feel like myself and I needed to feel that way. I hope it lasts.