In two days I will be the mom of a 1st Grader. WHAT? When the hell did that happen? People tell you that all the time...it goes so fast, cherish it, and all that. But honestly, until you are living it you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about.
You have no clue until you look at pictures of your daughter from her first day of Kindergarten just LAST YEAR and realize she will never be that little girl again. She is taller. Smarter. Wise. Funnier. She is more sensitive and aware. She can no longer be called a baby or a toddler. She has opinions and a personality that are daily developing and often change minute-to-minute. She cries at things I can't understand and yet, I fully understand. She is brave and courageous while also quite and reserved. Her soul is gentle and she is full of compassion.
She is starting first grade in two days and holy shit I am not ready. I am not ready for mean kids, and home work. I am not ready to wipe her tears when someone breaks her heart. I am not ready to tell her that the world isn't fair and some people are mean and even evil. I don't want that bubble around her to burst. But, it's going to. There's already been little tears in that bubble and I do my best to quickly patch those tears without giving her a false sense of the world.
In two days it will be just like it is today...I will worry. I will doubt myself as a Mom. I will wonder if my efforts, though originating in a place of pure love, are the right efforts. I will show her how it's ok to be both vulnerable and strong, happy and sad.
In two days things will be different too. She will be a 1st grader and for all my anxiety and worry, she is excited and ready. She will show me how to be brave and face fears. She will hold my hand and let me know that while she is growing up, she will always be my baby girl. She will do amazing things this girl of mine.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
All around update...
- The new Summer nanny started this week and it's going VERY, VERY well. Cross your fingers that it continues. The girls love her and she seems to really like them too. We've decided this is the way to go for us during the Summer. I'd love to do some camps and have a full time Summer sitter every year.
- We have Ramsey back in OT. We took a little break but all the transition and stuff has her a little wound up and we want to help get her back on track. Overall, she is doing great.
- Cara seems to be really noticing the boys in the neighborhood and the flirting is evident on both sides. I am not sure I am ready for this.
- One of the best things to come from having the girls together during the Summer is how close they are getting. They were pretty close before, but it's really nice to see them play so well together. It's so natural and they are so good to each other. Sure, they fight sometimes, but that is not as frequent.
- We have less than a month before school starts and I am not ready. I love not having to get up so early and wrangle kids to get them to school on time. It's relaxing and void of stress.
- Rhett is doing much better after his surgery.
- Both girls are doing great at swimming and are more confident in the pool. They love the water. Cara is completely without swimmies and Ramsey is not far behind her.
- We signed Cara up for volleyball in the Fall and she's been practicing with SP. Ramsey joins in too.
- The garden is doing well. I thought for sure I had killed everything by overwatering and subsequently getting a fungus on some of my plants, but things are growing.
Monday, July 7, 2014
The tooth fairy
C has officially lost two teeth. She has also pulled both of those teeth herself...thankfully. The idea of pulling someone elses teeth kinda freaks me out a bit. I would do it, but I wouldn't particularly care for it.
It's crazy to me to see my little girl getting her big girl teeth. They are all crooked and crazy but each day it seems like they are moving a little more into place.
Tooth 1 earned her $5 and each tooth after that will earn her $1. This seems to be the norm among her friends. I wanted to get all creative and try something not money related but the time got the best of me and there we were with a bloody tooth and no creativity.
It's crazy to me to see my little girl getting her big girl teeth. They are all crooked and crazy but each day it seems like they are moving a little more into place.
Tooth 1 earned her $5 and each tooth after that will earn her $1. This seems to be the norm among her friends. I wanted to get all creative and try something not money related but the time got the best of me and there we were with a bloody tooth and no creativity.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
It's Summer, Summer Time
For the first time ever we had to come up with summer plans for C and R. This was partially expected and partially unexpected.
Expected in that C is now in school and they give them the summer off. Which is way lucky for them and something I long for every single year when the season hits. Camp for a 6 year old is easier to manage. There's more options. She's older and more comfortable and adjusts easier.
Unexpected in that R now goes to a school that only offers Summer Camp every other week AND only from 9-12 each day during those weeks. Long gone are the days of 6 AM - 6 PM care that we enjoyed.
Because of this wrench in our planning we now had to figure out plans for the summer for two instead of one. I wanted to keep it as easy as possible for everyone, including them. Not a lot of running around or changing locations every week. Some structure and outdoor activity was top of the list. Somewhere together so they could look out for each other.
Most camps don't take 4 year olds so that narrowed the list a bit.
We ended up deciding to do a trial run at a local facility that offers everything...swimming, gymnastics, soccer, baskeball, dance, karate, etc. They were both familiar with this place so going wouldn't be a huge shock. They were comfortable there. We were comfortable sending them there. We'd give it a shot and if it didn't work, we'd revisit what we could do and try something else.
I set up OT appointments for the weeks when they would be there so R could get a break. We planned on 1 trial week, a two week break for vacation and Camp Granny, and then the rest of the summer spent at this location.
It didn't work.
R was the youngest by 2 years. She was refusing to participate in any of the activities and they weren't going to force her. Despite giving them a heads up of her sensory issues, the director of the program did not pass that along to any of the other camp counselors so they were unaware. Despite the offer to talk with them and be available to discuss any issues, no one ever reached out to us to tell us she wasn't doing well. Every night R would come home exhausted (Expected with all the activity and C was tired too.) and a complete mess full of meltdowns and aggression and all the old stuff we were trying to avoid.
We knew after a few days that sending R there was not in her best interest. We were paying too much money to have her not participate and then come home a complete mess. So we had to come up with a new plan.
Expected in that C is now in school and they give them the summer off. Which is way lucky for them and something I long for every single year when the season hits. Camp for a 6 year old is easier to manage. There's more options. She's older and more comfortable and adjusts easier.
Unexpected in that R now goes to a school that only offers Summer Camp every other week AND only from 9-12 each day during those weeks. Long gone are the days of 6 AM - 6 PM care that we enjoyed.
Because of this wrench in our planning we now had to figure out plans for the summer for two instead of one. I wanted to keep it as easy as possible for everyone, including them. Not a lot of running around or changing locations every week. Some structure and outdoor activity was top of the list. Somewhere together so they could look out for each other.
Most camps don't take 4 year olds so that narrowed the list a bit.
We ended up deciding to do a trial run at a local facility that offers everything...swimming, gymnastics, soccer, baskeball, dance, karate, etc. They were both familiar with this place so going wouldn't be a huge shock. They were comfortable there. We were comfortable sending them there. We'd give it a shot and if it didn't work, we'd revisit what we could do and try something else.
I set up OT appointments for the weeks when they would be there so R could get a break. We planned on 1 trial week, a two week break for vacation and Camp Granny, and then the rest of the summer spent at this location.
It didn't work.
R was the youngest by 2 years. She was refusing to participate in any of the activities and they weren't going to force her. Despite giving them a heads up of her sensory issues, the director of the program did not pass that along to any of the other camp counselors so they were unaware. Despite the offer to talk with them and be available to discuss any issues, no one ever reached out to us to tell us she wasn't doing well. Every night R would come home exhausted (Expected with all the activity and C was tired too.) and a complete mess full of meltdowns and aggression and all the old stuff we were trying to avoid.
We knew after a few days that sending R there was not in her best interest. We were paying too much money to have her not participate and then come home a complete mess. So we had to come up with a new plan.
Monday, June 9, 2014
So colorful and for the best reason ever
As you can see, we started out so crisp and clean and ended up quite the opposite. R kept calling it "celebrating Granny's birthday" because she couldn't quite grasp the concept of the walk to celebrate her cancer survival. But we went with it.
The girls had a BLAST. C ran almost half of the 5K with SP. R rolled around in all the colors to the point where I am still scrubbing blues and greens from her skin and scalp. It was great to be able to do something a as a family and I am sure we'll do it again in the future.
Drum roll please...
Today is the first official day of Summer Camp for the girls. C has been to camp before, but it's a first for R. Cross your fingers it goes well.
SP is out of town this week so I was flying solo this morning. Trying hard to keep the mood festive and upbeat after a night of C being anxious and even throwing up she was so worried about the day. Her primary worry was R and I struggled explaining to her the difference between watching her sister all day and looking out for her. Hard concept to grasp at 6 that it's the Camp's job to oversee R's safety and well being, but as family we look out for each other and have each others back.
I was tired this morning. Frazzled myself at the new experience of sending my kids to Camp. I was trying to figure out how to make it seem fun and exciting not huge and terrifying. So, this happened.
Me: Guess what your breakfast options are? (In a festive upbeat voice.) Drum roll PLEASE! (I drum on the counter.
Girls: (Stare at me like I have three heads.)
Me: Donuts, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt
C: I want to try that one thing.
Me: What one thing?
C: The drum roll.
Me: The drum roll? That isn't a thing you eat. (Demostrate drum roll again.)
R: Yeah, me too. I want to try the roll.
Me: The drum roll is a sound, not a food. You can have donuts, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt...
C: But I want that drum roll. I want to try it.
R: Me too.
This went on for about 10 minutes before I finally got them to understand that a drum roll was a sound introducing something, not a food.
SP is out of town this week so I was flying solo this morning. Trying hard to keep the mood festive and upbeat after a night of C being anxious and even throwing up she was so worried about the day. Her primary worry was R and I struggled explaining to her the difference between watching her sister all day and looking out for her. Hard concept to grasp at 6 that it's the Camp's job to oversee R's safety and well being, but as family we look out for each other and have each others back.
I was tired this morning. Frazzled myself at the new experience of sending my kids to Camp. I was trying to figure out how to make it seem fun and exciting not huge and terrifying. So, this happened.
Me: Guess what your breakfast options are? (In a festive upbeat voice.) Drum roll PLEASE! (I drum on the counter.
Girls: (Stare at me like I have three heads.)
Me: Donuts, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt
C: I want to try that one thing.
Me: What one thing?
C: The drum roll.
Me: The drum roll? That isn't a thing you eat. (Demostrate drum roll again.)
R: Yeah, me too. I want to try the roll.
Me: The drum roll is a sound, not a food. You can have donuts, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt...
C: But I want that drum roll. I want to try it.
R: Me too.
This went on for about 10 minutes before I finally got them to understand that a drum roll was a sound introducing something, not a food.
Friday, June 6, 2014
What a difference...
The changes are subtle in the photographs. Shorts once at or slightly below the knees now are above them. Hair is longer. Face is more defined. Feet are larger and shoes are different.
She looks so much older. So grown up. So something that I cannot fully put my finger on. So 1st grader.
She is the same in many ways and so different in others. Her personality, while still sensitive and sweet, is also more defined and fiesty. Her pool of friends has broadened through Girl Scouts and Soccer and day-to-day school activities with a new group of kids. She's no longer a baby but still wants to crawl in my lap and be cuddled. She is gentle and kind and cares about others around her. She can now read and do math and has a loose tooth. We got her ears pierced. She can make her own bed and pick out her own clothes. She does things without us but often looks back to see if we are there. She has passion and grit and determination but still lacks confidence and trust in herself to see how great she really is.
They say these days go fast. To cherish them and hold them close. Live in the moment. Stop and smell the roses. Seize the day. All that jazz. Which is often easier said than done when you are a working mom with two kids and a husband and a life and bills and god knows what else that can be thrown our way on a daily basis. But I am trying to slow myself down so that I can continue to be a sponge that absorbs all that is this little girl and her magnificence. She deserves that.
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