In two days...

In two days I will be the mom of a 1st Grader. WHAT? When the hell did that happen? People tell you that all the time...it goes so fast, cherish it, and all that. But honestly, until you are living it you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about.

You have no clue until you look at pictures of your daughter from her first day of Kindergarten just LAST YEAR and realize she will never be that little girl again. She is taller. Smarter. Wise. Funnier. She is more sensitive and aware. She can no longer be called a baby or a toddler. She has opinions and a personality that are daily developing and often change minute-to-minute. She cries at things I can't understand and yet, I fully understand. She is brave and courageous while also quite and reserved. Her soul is gentle and she is full of compassion.

She is starting first grade in two days and holy shit I am not ready. I am not ready for mean kids, and home work. I am not ready to wipe her tears when someone breaks her heart. I am not ready to tell her that the world isn't fair and some people are mean and even evil. I don't want that bubble around her to burst. But, it's going to. There's already been little tears in that bubble and I do my best to quickly patch those tears without giving her a false sense of the world.

In two days it will be just like it is today...I will worry. I will doubt myself as a Mom. I will wonder if my efforts, though originating in a place of pure love, are the right efforts. I will show her how it's ok to be both vulnerable and strong, happy and sad.

In two days things will be different too. She will be a 1st grader and for all my anxiety and worry, she is excited and ready. She will show me how to be brave and face fears. She will hold my hand and let me know that while she is growing up, she will always be my baby girl. She will do amazing things this girl of mine.