For Me

At some point in my pregnancy I decided to set some goals for myself for after I gave birth.

One of them was a carry over from when I had Miss C, which was to take a shower every day. Horror stories abound about women who couldn't shower or brush their teeth when on maternity leave. Now, I am sure having multiples makes this challenging but this one wasn't difficult with Miss C and it hasn't been difficult this time around either. Of course, there was the one shower where Miss R ended up soaking wet because she wailed the entire time and in trying to put her paci in her mouth I soaked her but the goal was only to shower not to do it perfectly.

Another goal is a little more vain but I think just as important to my self confidence and peace of mind as showering and brushing my teeth. I am a former Pilates teacher and exercising is big part of my life. When I am healthy and in shape I feel good. That was much easier to do when I didn't have two children or a husband and could spend all my time working out.

I knew that I was going to have to jump start my exercise now or I would find reasons not to get back in shape cause there's always something. I also knew I had to schedule the time and make a pretty big commitment. So, starting Saturday I will be working out twice a week with a personal trainer.

There is a high likelihood the trainer will kick my ass. I haven't seriously worked out in a year and I DID just have a baby 7 weeks ago. This ol' bod ain't what she used to be. I'll let you know how it goes...if I survive.

Smiles

Date night with Miss C

In an effort to help Miss C further adjust to her new "baby sista" we have decided to start doing a date night with her. We did the first one last night.

SHE LOVED IT.

We did some of her most favorite things...we went to dinner and had "maci-roni" and then to a small local airport to see the airplanes. It was all about her and she beamed. We were able to see an actual Cessna up close and she was thrilled. We also got to see a hot air balloon which she hadn't seen before. I am not sure if this will help her to realize that we still love her and care about her despite the arrival of her new sister but I hope it does, because we do.

The plan is to alternate with C having date night one week and R staying with the sitter and vice versa. This serves a couple of purposes. It gives C time with us and it also allows our sitter to become used to watching R. Then eventually we'll get back to date night that is just the two of us.

UGH

Lately I have been a tad overwhelmed with Mommy-hood. I love my girls, but damn I question whether I have what it takes to do this. It's hard work being a Mom. Especially when you have two and are a perfectionist. I want nothing but the best for my girls and most days I feel like I haven't done anything right.

I try to look back over the course of my life to what got me here because I know I have endured some trials and tribulations that make be tougher than what I currently feel I am. I have been through divorce, death, illness, heartache, birth, love, happiness and so much more during my lifetime all of which should have prepared me for this...but I feel lacking in every possible way.

I thought I had grit, moxy, drive, perserverance, courage, patience, strength, etc. But obviously I don't because I am letting my fears of failing my children get the best of me. Since R has been born I have become even more obsessed with being a great parent and not fucking up my kids. I doubt myself and my method of parenting because I feel like it's comprised of logic, love and a great deal of trial and error.

I need to back off. Chill out. Calm down. But damn, parenting a toddler and caring for a newborn is hard ass work. I am blessed to have the husband I do but it doesn't lessen my feelings of helplessness when I can't figure out why in the hell my two year old is screaming for the Minnie Mouse cup when there are 6 perfectly good cups to choose from AND the Minnie Mouse cup is in the dishwasher being washed.

Maybe one day it will click and I will figure it all out. C and R will likely be in their 30s by the time that happens. Hopefully, they will only require minimal therapy to deal with their wacko Mom.

Father's Day

This is what happens when you don't have a swim diaper.

Bird is the Word

Password is Cara.

What are you doing Miss R?

When writing this blog sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself when I describe Miss R because many of the the things she does are similar to what her sister did. Still, to be true to her and this record of her life I have to capture it even if it is similar.

I don't want to jinx us, but I think we are nailing our daily routine. Right now she eats at 6 AM and then even 3 hours after that until 6 PM. That's when we start our cluster feedings which are at 6 and 8. We are firm believers in The Baby Whisperer where this technique comes from and have a toddler who is living proof it works. We were doing a dream feed at 11 but didn't think it was really making a difference so we decided to move it back to 10 to see what happened. We've only done it twice but both nights she slept until 6 AM so I am going to keep it up.

Miss R seems to start out slow with her eating and pick up speed as the day goes on. What this means is she'll only eat a couple ounces at the morning feedings and then do 4 ounces in the afternoon feedings. She still spits up but I haven't figured out what triggers it. Sometimes she'll go without spitting up for multiple feedings and other times she spits up all over the place.

We've learned a few things about the way she likes to sleep that have helped us out tremendously. She loves, loves, loves to be swaddled otherwise her arms and legs are going a mile a minute and jolts her awake. With the swaddling she also likes to be warm and we add a blanket in addition to her PJ's and swaddler. When her hands are free (and often she manages to break free of the swaddler) she grabs the blanket and often pulls it up to her face. We've found that if we put a piece of a blanket near her face when she is tired she will turn into it and it helps her fall asleep. It's wild to watch her rub her face against it and be comforted by it and to watch her pull it to her face.

She spends time each day now on the exercise mat and kicks and swats the items hanging from it. Sometimes she even manages to grab a ring though I think that is by accident.

We've moved from newborn diapers and clothes to Level 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes. She wears a lot of Miss C's clothes but I also can't resist buying her some things of her own. I don't want everything to be a hand me down.

I think the most important thing she is doing right now is stealing our hearts. She is smiling and laughing which is wonderful to witness. Her coos are music to our ears and I like to tell Miss C she's talking about her and all the stuff she does that R likes.