Lately I have been a tad overwhelmed with Mommy-hood. I love my girls, but damn I question whether I have what it takes to do this. It's hard work being a Mom. Especially when you have two and are a perfectionist. I want nothing but the best for my girls and most days I feel like I haven't done anything right.
I try to look back over the course of my life to what got me here because I know I have endured some trials and tribulations that make be tougher than what I currently feel I am. I have been through divorce, death, illness, heartache, birth, love, happiness and so much more during my lifetime all of which should have prepared me for this...but I feel lacking in every possible way.
I thought I had grit, moxy, drive, perserverance, courage, patience, strength, etc. But obviously I don't because I am letting my fears of failing my children get the best of me. Since R has been born I have become even more obsessed with being a great parent and not fucking up my kids. I doubt myself and my method of parenting because I feel like it's comprised of logic, love and a great deal of trial and error.
I need to back off. Chill out. Calm down. But damn, parenting a toddler and caring for a newborn is hard ass work. I am blessed to have the husband I do but it doesn't lessen my feelings of helplessness when I can't figure out why in the hell my two year old is screaming for the Minnie Mouse cup when there are 6 perfectly good cups to choose from AND the Minnie Mouse cup is in the dishwasher being washed.
Maybe one day it will click and I will figure it all out. C and R will likely be in their 30s by the time that happens. Hopefully, they will only require minimal therapy to deal with their wacko Mom.
1 comment:
OMG - I think you just summed up parenthood in a nutshell (I love the way you can communicate something SO clearly) . . . I NEVER new it was this difficult . . and MANY times I really think I suck at it and am BIG time messing RJ(and soon to be boy#2 in the future) up for life . . it's just WAY more pressure on your shoulders than I ever could have imagined . . . but you know what, at least we recognize it . . .this means we're good parents . . . the ones that don't recognize this are the ones that are not too good! Just remember to relax and in the bad times remember all the good things you are giving your girls and that those things will certainly overcome! Hang in there lady . . . this is the toughest time of our lives I truly believe . . . and there are many seasons in life . . . so this too shall pass with time . . so until then try to enjoy each and EVERY moment (even the bad and beyond frustrating!)!
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