Kindergarten and second grade

The first day of school went well. No tears other than mine. Both girls were super excited. 

Big sisters are the best

There are moments as a mom when you catch a glimpse of all your efforts with your kids actually working. This was one of those moments. First full day of kindergarten for Rams. Her big sister holding her hand and walking her into school. It does not get any better than this. 

Time flies but we stop to smell the flowers

365

It's been quite some time since I wrote here. A year to be exact. A year. 365 days of moments and memories that have passed. Some days I remember. Others I do not. And that makes me sad. My memory sucks. I get so caught up in the planning that I somehow forget to take that mental snapshot and file all that happens away in a special spot for future viewing. 

As I stumbled up a picture of C this last week from kindergarten I realized her first grade year had come and gone without a captured word. Not one written here. I got consumed with living. Surviving. Barely keeping my head above water sometimes as I navigated through the waters of motherhood. I failed a little I think by not doing the one thing that I love so much, writing. I always wanted to tell our stories. I always wanted my girls to look back one day and know their mom noticed when they did something, anything, everything.

I wanted to remind myself and them that there was a time just like this one when I cried and worried and loved them fiercely. A time when I stressed over bed times and shoes and what in the hell to pack in their lunches. I time when I spent hours trying to turn their beautiful blonde hair from green back to its normal color after days and days in the pool. 

Being a mom is fucking hard. There will be a moments, many of them, where I mess up. I cuss. I yell. I cry and lose my shit because I have no manual and just want to be successful at this one special role more than anything else. And I fail. I fall down and see them look at me failing. That's when I have to get up and show them I can mess up and still love them and still be a good mom. Show myself. 

So I need to write. Write the mundane. Write the uniquely special moments that are mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches that Cara lives right now. Write about how Ramsey's asking for those flowery ice cream thingies that I don't recall but she likely had once when she was 2 and remembers like it was yesterday. 

Write because I don't want to sort through a box of pictures and forget this was the year Ramsey started kindergarten and was missing her boyfriend Owen from her old school. Write because Cara started first grade will almost all of her baby teeth and now they are gone replaced by crooked reminders that babies grow up and mine aren't exempt from that. 

So welcome back. Welcome back me and welcome back you. 

In two days...

In two days I will be the mom of a 1st Grader. WHAT? When the hell did that happen? People tell you that all the time...it goes so fast, cherish it, and all that. But honestly, until you are living it you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about.

You have no clue until you look at pictures of your daughter from her first day of Kindergarten just LAST YEAR and realize she will never be that little girl again. She is taller. Smarter. Wise. Funnier. She is more sensitive and aware. She can no longer be called a baby or a toddler. She has opinions and a personality that are daily developing and often change minute-to-minute. She cries at things I can't understand and yet, I fully understand. She is brave and courageous while also quite and reserved. Her soul is gentle and she is full of compassion.

She is starting first grade in two days and holy shit I am not ready. I am not ready for mean kids, and home work. I am not ready to wipe her tears when someone breaks her heart. I am not ready to tell her that the world isn't fair and some people are mean and even evil. I don't want that bubble around her to burst. But, it's going to. There's already been little tears in that bubble and I do my best to quickly patch those tears without giving her a false sense of the world.

In two days it will be just like it is today...I will worry. I will doubt myself as a Mom. I will wonder if my efforts, though originating in a place of pure love, are the right efforts. I will show her how it's ok to be both vulnerable and strong, happy and sad.

In two days things will be different too. She will be a 1st grader and for all my anxiety and worry, she is excited and ready. She will show me how to be brave and face fears. She will hold my hand and let me know that while she is growing up, she will always be my baby girl. She will do amazing things this girl of mine.

All around update...

• The new Summer nanny started this week and it's going VERY, VERY well. Cross your fingers that it continues. The girls love her and she seems to really like them too. We've decided this is the way to go for us during the Summer. I'd love to do some camps and have a full time Summer sitter every year.
• We have Ramsey back in OT. We took a little break but all the transition and stuff has her a little wound up and we want to help get her back on track. Overall, she is doing great.
• Cara seems to be really noticing the boys in the neighborhood and the flirting is evident on both sides. I am not sure I am ready for this.
• One of the best things to come from having the girls together during the Summer is how close they are getting. They were pretty close before, but it's really nice to see them play so well together. It's so natural and they are so good to each other. Sure, they fight sometimes, but that is not as frequent.
• We have less than a month before school starts and I am not ready. I love not having to get up so early and wrangle kids to get them to school on time. It's relaxing and void of stress.
• Rhett is doing much better after his surgery.
• Both girls are doing great at swimming and are more confident in the pool. They love the water. Cara is completely without swimmies and Ramsey is not far behind her.
• We signed Cara up for volleyball in the Fall and she's been practicing with SP. Ramsey joins in too.
• The garden is doing well. I thought for sure I had killed everything by overwatering and subsequently getting a fungus on some of my plants, but things are growing.

The tooth fairy

C has officially lost two teeth. She has also pulled both of those teeth herself...thankfully. The idea of pulling someone elses teeth kinda freaks me out a bit. I would do it, but I wouldn't particularly care for it.

It's crazy to me to see my little girl getting her big girl teeth. They are all crooked and crazy but each day it seems like they are moving a little more into place.

Tooth 1 earned her $5 and each tooth after that will earn her $1. This seems to be the norm among her friends. I wanted to get all creative and try something not money related but the time got the best of me and there we were with a bloody tooth and no creativity.