I think someone flipped a switch when C turned 6 and turned her into a big girl. This is not something I am ready for AT ALL.
There are moments where she is still very much a little girl with sensivities and meltdowns and attitude galore. But they are not as frequent as the big girl who was to spread her wings.
I selfishly want to clip her wings, which I imagine pretty much every parent has felt at one time or another. I don't want her to fly. I want her to stay in my lap forever. But that can't, and won't, happen.
So, we encounter new things. We navigate uncharted territory together and sometimes we don't do it very well. I am trying to let her experience some of the freedoms that come with growing up, but my anxiety level is THROUGH THE ROOF.
I struggle with letting her play outside without watching every second, because I am afraid someone in a dark van will drive up asking her if she wants a puppy or some candy and she will vanish. I attribute that entirely to growing up in a time of Ad*m W*lsh when kids faces became plastered on milk cartons. I am afraid. And my fear makes me look out the window more than I should. C doesn't know, to her she is getting her space but I am still freaking out behind the window panes.
I struggle to let her fail because I know how much failure can hurt and I don't want her to suffer. I also know that sometimes you have to fail (and will fail) in life and she is no exception. I can't wrap her in bubble wrap and shelter her from things because that's not doing her any favors, but I want to. And it weighs heavily on my mind with every new experience.
I struggle to let her be somewhere when I am not there. I attribute this to what seems like a surge in craziness in our society that puts kids in very vulnerable positions I never had to experience. What if something happens and I can't get there fast enough? Those damn What If's make me want to never let her leave the house. But I do.
I struggle with play dates and sleep overs and what she watches on TV and what she eats. The list is lengthy as it rolls through my brain. I go to great lengths to keep that list in check because she is a kid who is growing up and deserves to live her life regardless of how fearful I am.
And seriously, when did I become so fearful? Does that happen immediately at the moment of child birth?
2 comments:
You love that girl. You are a good mum and that's why you fear for her. But good mums allow their babies to grow, to try new experiences, and to learn their place in the world around them. My daughter is floundering. She is 21 and without even a high school education. Meagan is afraid to return to school, afraid to seek a better Life, afraid to be alone. She had a shit mum. You are better than that, Missy. Every child deserves to be loved, trusted, encouraged to reach for the stars. I know it's hard, but give C the gift of self-confidence. It's the best gift she'll ever receive.
Thanks Dale!
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