When I was in grade school I was a Brownie for like a second, then we had to sell cookies and I was out. The idea of badges and meetings and the dreaded cookie selling was not enticing enough for me to stick it out.
Now I have a little one who is a Daisy Scout (the K-1st grade version of Girl Scouts) and find myself in the middle of a cookie sale again. This time around, it's not as bad, but still not my favorite thing to do.
C really seems to be taking to the structure and concepts behind Girl Scouts. She enjoys the meetings and activities and decorating her blue vest with badges she has earned. I like that she is bonding with other girls and seeing the value of female friendships. It also is helping with her confidence which seems to be a little waining at times right now.
This week she will be earning her first daisy pedal for Lupe who teaches about being fair and honest. I got the binder out with the stories and read it to both her and R. Then we had a discussion about what it means to be fair and honest. We talked about examples of when we were and were not those things.
Since I read that story and we talked about it, it's given me something to refer back to with them. I'll say, "Remember Lupe's story? Do you think that you were being fair or honest?" Lupe has made helping them understand what's fair and honest way easier than my repeatedly telling them. Thanks Lupe.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
So sensitive
Today I sat and listened to R talk while she ate lunch and was in awe. How could this sweet little girl sitting with me going on and on about who knows what be the same little girl who only an hour before bit a friend at school and drew blood?
Since R was diagnosed with SPD at around 20 months I feel like we have done everything we could possibly do to help her. We do therapy every other week with an OT and a daily home program. I have read books and bought various products online to help.
The latest is that I have removed all red dye 40 from her diet and had her blood sugar tested to make sure there was not some type of insulin issue going on. The red dye 40 could be a discussion all by itself. How in the hell is it possible that it's ok to consume something that other countries ban? Almost immediately we noticed some differences in her behavior when we removed the red dye and I don't plan on going back to it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the magic we needed to fix everything. God I wish it was.
We are thankfully also not dealing with an insulin issue, but for a second I wished we were just so I knew where to focus my energy.
It's like we are grabbing at straws. I can't keep R in a bubble and never have her interact with other kids. We can't "control" the world around her so much that she is not living in it and experiencing it. Yet, here we are on what I feel is the edge of being asked to leave another school and I don't know what to do.
After the most recent biting incident with C at home, we decided to take a different approach. It's not one we can take at school though. We told C that if R bit her again, she had our permission to bite her back. This was not a decision we came to lightly. There have been nasty bites to the face, the arms, the back, the legs, etc. that left C bruised for days. We tried to use our words. We tried to use time-outs and chew sticks and chewing gum and mouth exercises and rewards and even soap. It was not working.
Here we are a MONTH after that incident without a bite at home. Not one. We gave C some of her power back and R didn't like it. Seemed a lot different to her knowing there would be some response other than crying.
So today, in one of my not so great Mommy moments, I told R that I was giving the kids at school permission to bite her back. The reality is that's not true. They can't and I didn't. But I actually was surprised at her reaction. I was expecting more of a "whatever mom" response but she got really, really upset. This is not something I am proud of but damn, if it gets her to stop biting then I am all for it.
Tomorrow, we'll try again and see where that gets us. Things were going so well and now it's like the world has been turned upside down.
Since R was diagnosed with SPD at around 20 months I feel like we have done everything we could possibly do to help her. We do therapy every other week with an OT and a daily home program. I have read books and bought various products online to help.
The latest is that I have removed all red dye 40 from her diet and had her blood sugar tested to make sure there was not some type of insulin issue going on. The red dye 40 could be a discussion all by itself. How in the hell is it possible that it's ok to consume something that other countries ban? Almost immediately we noticed some differences in her behavior when we removed the red dye and I don't plan on going back to it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the magic we needed to fix everything. God I wish it was.
We are thankfully also not dealing with an insulin issue, but for a second I wished we were just so I knew where to focus my energy.
It's like we are grabbing at straws. I can't keep R in a bubble and never have her interact with other kids. We can't "control" the world around her so much that she is not living in it and experiencing it. Yet, here we are on what I feel is the edge of being asked to leave another school and I don't know what to do.
After the most recent biting incident with C at home, we decided to take a different approach. It's not one we can take at school though. We told C that if R bit her again, she had our permission to bite her back. This was not a decision we came to lightly. There have been nasty bites to the face, the arms, the back, the legs, etc. that left C bruised for days. We tried to use our words. We tried to use time-outs and chew sticks and chewing gum and mouth exercises and rewards and even soap. It was not working.
Here we are a MONTH after that incident without a bite at home. Not one. We gave C some of her power back and R didn't like it. Seemed a lot different to her knowing there would be some response other than crying.
So today, in one of my not so great Mommy moments, I told R that I was giving the kids at school permission to bite her back. The reality is that's not true. They can't and I didn't. But I actually was surprised at her reaction. I was expecting more of a "whatever mom" response but she got really, really upset. This is not something I am proud of but damn, if it gets her to stop biting then I am all for it.
Tomorrow, we'll try again and see where that gets us. Things were going so well and now it's like the world has been turned upside down.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Wow! It does go fast...
Now that it's 2014 we are on the down hill slide to the end of C's kindergarten year. I look at her and still see that sweet little baby that I nuzzled up against when she was first born. But I also see something else. The sweetness is still there, and probably always will be, but I can also see her strength and determination brewing just under the surface.
From time-to-time, lately more often than not, we will see that determination manifest itself in various ways. It could be her repeated attempts to master the cartwheel flipping over and over in our living room, kitchen, basement, yard, etc. Anywhere that appears to be a flat surface...but that is not even a requirement. The look on her face when she knows she's nailed it exactly how she should is priceless. She radiates confidence and pride.
It could also be the way she looks around the gym at gymnastics for us when she's finally conquered the rope and is waving from high up for us to see. She fell many times trying to get up that rope but kept trying and trying until she got it.
It could be the way she redid her classwork that she had rushed through and the turned it back in to her teacher to show she made the effort to try again. Or the way she is sounding out words she sees as she progresses her way through learning to read.
She doesn't always need us anymore. Which breaks my heart most of the time. But it also warms my heart to see her run off and be independent and thriving. I still cling to those nights when the little baby comes out and she wants to cuddle because I know they are fleeting.
I am shocked by how fast this school year has gone. It's been a blur of uniforms and lunches (she was eating hot dogs almost daily until we figured that out and went back to taking her lunch) and fundraisers and learning new things. She's no longer scared to walk into her school and jumps out of the car with ease still overwhelmed by the size of her backpack. We've cried and laughed...sometimes about the same things. We've learned being a kid is not easy and being the mom of a kid is not easy either.
I knew early on when I started blogging about being a mom I wanted to do so because I tend forget things as time goes on. I forget the sweet details of experiences as other parts of life overshadow them. I don't want to forget.
I want to be able to tell C that on 1/9/14 we braided her hair the night before school because she wanted to wear it wavy this morning. She had some pep in her step. I want her to know that she ate corn dogs for dinner and mandrain oranges both with her hands even though it drove me nuts. I want her to know that I discovered a pile of stickers and decorative tape under her bed where she'd been dropping her trash behind her bed instead of throwing it away.
So, I am writing to preserve the details. The minutiae that gets lost in the empty spaces in my brain but are some of the most important things to remember. Cause man, it all goes by to fast.
From time-to-time, lately more often than not, we will see that determination manifest itself in various ways. It could be her repeated attempts to master the cartwheel flipping over and over in our living room, kitchen, basement, yard, etc. Anywhere that appears to be a flat surface...but that is not even a requirement. The look on her face when she knows she's nailed it exactly how she should is priceless. She radiates confidence and pride.
It could also be the way she looks around the gym at gymnastics for us when she's finally conquered the rope and is waving from high up for us to see. She fell many times trying to get up that rope but kept trying and trying until she got it.
It could be the way she redid her classwork that she had rushed through and the turned it back in to her teacher to show she made the effort to try again. Or the way she is sounding out words she sees as she progresses her way through learning to read.
She doesn't always need us anymore. Which breaks my heart most of the time. But it also warms my heart to see her run off and be independent and thriving. I still cling to those nights when the little baby comes out and she wants to cuddle because I know they are fleeting.
I am shocked by how fast this school year has gone. It's been a blur of uniforms and lunches (she was eating hot dogs almost daily until we figured that out and went back to taking her lunch) and fundraisers and learning new things. She's no longer scared to walk into her school and jumps out of the car with ease still overwhelmed by the size of her backpack. We've cried and laughed...sometimes about the same things. We've learned being a kid is not easy and being the mom of a kid is not easy either.
I knew early on when I started blogging about being a mom I wanted to do so because I tend forget things as time goes on. I forget the sweet details of experiences as other parts of life overshadow them. I don't want to forget.
I want to be able to tell C that on 1/9/14 we braided her hair the night before school because she wanted to wear it wavy this morning. She had some pep in her step. I want her to know that she ate corn dogs for dinner and mandrain oranges both with her hands even though it drove me nuts. I want her to know that I discovered a pile of stickers and decorative tape under her bed where she'd been dropping her trash behind her bed instead of throwing it away.
So, I am writing to preserve the details. The minutiae that gets lost in the empty spaces in my brain but are some of the most important things to remember. Cause man, it all goes by to fast.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Snow Days mean something much different
There's a point in most of our lives where we think we know everything. How could we not? We are so smart and worldly and all that. So, we have to know how everyone else feels and thinks and have an understanding on the most intimate of levels with the world around us. Right?
Then we grow up a bit and get a taste of that lovely medicine called reality where we are constantly put in check by LIFE for all the things we really don't know that we think we did. To be fair to myself, I think I DID know everything within the context of my world however limited that was. I also think that it shows a sign of growth, and even maturity, to realize that's so much more out there we have no clue about.
Snow Days are one of those things I really didn't have a clue about. Back in the day, a snow day was a much loved day off school to stay in our PJs, drink hot cocoa, maybe play outside, but definitely NOT go to school or do homework. It was a party. A free time. A carefree part of my already carefree life.
What I didn't realize was the impact on the PARENTS of those children that get snow days. First there's the anxiety over whether or not they will actually cancel school. What's my day look like tomorrow? Can I cover? Can SP? What will we do all day? If school is closed for C, do we still take R and venture out onto the snowy and dangerous (maybe) roads? Are we horrible parents if we do that? It sounds so tempting.
This is followed by, Oh SHIT they did cancel school! There's a brief resurfacing of that feeling you have when you are a kid of "Snow Day! Snow Day!" Then you realize there's two little people you have to take care of, while working or you have to take a day off work. If you are lucky, you can swing it working from home because damn it you want to use your vacation days for fun stuff not snow days.
If school is actually closed the night before, you contemplate sleeping in but realize that isn't going to happen because YOU STILL HAVE TO WORK.
Morning comes and there is not a drop of snow on the ground or any obvious reason why school would be closed aside from the arctic tempatures. You get frustrated and think about how the make up of this snow day will eat into your Summer plans and get pissed all over again that they didn't plan ANY snow days into the school calendar. Just bad business planning.
In an attempt to learn your lesson from previous snow days, you make a schedule for the girls in your head while taking a shower. This day will go ok, you pep talk yourself while dressing in sweats. Girls are up, schedule is written and breakfast is done.
The rest of the day is spent balancing between work calls, emails, being able to maintain a thought for longer than a second, keeping girls occupied and being absolutely amazed that the schedule worked and they have been great. Then you pray school is open tomorrow because you don't want to blow another fun warm day and you have meetings that require you to be in the office.
All these things are ones I DID not used to think about or even be aware of. It never crossed my mind that there could be people who had no choice but to use vacation time or possibly not get paid if school was canceled. It also didn't cross my mind that sometimes, like when there's a freak polar vortex and tempatures are in the negatives, there are people without homes or shelter or coats or blankets and some of those are kids.
I get it now. I don't necessarily like it all the time and it's challenging, but I feel up to the challenge for the most part and feel thankful that our house is warm and my girls are safe.
Lesson learned.
Then we grow up a bit and get a taste of that lovely medicine called reality where we are constantly put in check by LIFE for all the things we really don't know that we think we did. To be fair to myself, I think I DID know everything within the context of my world however limited that was. I also think that it shows a sign of growth, and even maturity, to realize that's so much more out there we have no clue about.
Snow Days are one of those things I really didn't have a clue about. Back in the day, a snow day was a much loved day off school to stay in our PJs, drink hot cocoa, maybe play outside, but definitely NOT go to school or do homework. It was a party. A free time. A carefree part of my already carefree life.
What I didn't realize was the impact on the PARENTS of those children that get snow days. First there's the anxiety over whether or not they will actually cancel school. What's my day look like tomorrow? Can I cover? Can SP? What will we do all day? If school is closed for C, do we still take R and venture out onto the snowy and dangerous (maybe) roads? Are we horrible parents if we do that? It sounds so tempting.
This is followed by, Oh SHIT they did cancel school! There's a brief resurfacing of that feeling you have when you are a kid of "Snow Day! Snow Day!" Then you realize there's two little people you have to take care of, while working or you have to take a day off work. If you are lucky, you can swing it working from home because damn it you want to use your vacation days for fun stuff not snow days.
If school is actually closed the night before, you contemplate sleeping in but realize that isn't going to happen because YOU STILL HAVE TO WORK.
Morning comes and there is not a drop of snow on the ground or any obvious reason why school would be closed aside from the arctic tempatures. You get frustrated and think about how the make up of this snow day will eat into your Summer plans and get pissed all over again that they didn't plan ANY snow days into the school calendar. Just bad business planning.
In an attempt to learn your lesson from previous snow days, you make a schedule for the girls in your head while taking a shower. This day will go ok, you pep talk yourself while dressing in sweats. Girls are up, schedule is written and breakfast is done.
The rest of the day is spent balancing between work calls, emails, being able to maintain a thought for longer than a second, keeping girls occupied and being absolutely amazed that the schedule worked and they have been great. Then you pray school is open tomorrow because you don't want to blow another fun warm day and you have meetings that require you to be in the office.
All these things are ones I DID not used to think about or even be aware of. It never crossed my mind that there could be people who had no choice but to use vacation time or possibly not get paid if school was canceled. It also didn't cross my mind that sometimes, like when there's a freak polar vortex and tempatures are in the negatives, there are people without homes or shelter or coats or blankets and some of those are kids.
I get it now. I don't necessarily like it all the time and it's challenging, but I feel up to the challenge for the most part and feel thankful that our house is warm and my girls are safe.
Lesson learned.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014
It seems odd to say that it's 2014. The number just seems more fitting for a science fiction movie than my life, but here it is nonetheless. So, either I am living in a sci-fi movie or I need to accept that this is my reality. I am still holding out hope for a light saber and a droid or two.
One of my "goals" for 2014 is to write more. I have been self censoring myself and I am not sure why. Maybe it's because as my girls get older I realize more and more how beautifully fragile their lives are and I don't want to screw them up with my words. Maybe it's because I am letting life run away with my creativity and the mundane day-to-day activities are sucking the life out of me. Maybe I am just lazy or too busy or tired. Who knows, but it has to change.
I won't box myself in to some unrealistic requirement for writing. There will be no professions of daily posts or even that what I write will matter to anyone but me. But I will write. I will maintain that one day, my girls will want to hear their stories as I saw them unfold. Sure, they will be seen through my lens which we all know is purely mine and up for interpretation, but this is my space and my voice so it is what it is.
I do promise to protect my girls when I can and be honest and colorful and real. This is not a perfect world and I am not a perfect mom. I screw up, a lot. But I fiercely love my girls and I love writing. How can those two things NOT go together beautifully?
So here we are 2014 on the edge of greatness. I make no resolutions but I will set some goals to get me started.
- Write more and write often.
- Be more patient and forgive myself when I am not.
- Laugh more
- Hug A LOT
- Spend time each night listening to my girls talk about what is important to them.
- Continue to work at my marriage and remember that communication is key.
- Let those I love and care for know it.
- Dance, sing and act a fool whenever possible.
- Strive to be healthy in both body and mind.
- Learn something new.
- Continue to work to raise confident, kind, genuine little girls who are thoughtful and aware of the world around them.
- Read labels and continue to work at eating healthy and moving away from things that are artificial, hormone filled, unpronounceable, and/or just flat out bad for us.
- Give back and be thankful for all that I have.
- Love myself.
More to come...
Friday, December 27, 2013
So much to say...yet nothing
This is the fourth attempt I have made to write something. But can't. Things are jumbled in my head and when I try to write about something it just comes out all wrong. I feel overloaded after the holiday and I think my need for some R&R is consuming everything.
I am spending a lot of time censoring myself in my head which is keeping me from just saying and writing what I want. The purpose of this blog was to write about my girls and my life as a Mom. Need to get back to that. So I will start slow and build back up.
After I take a nap...
I am spending a lot of time censoring myself in my head which is keeping me from just saying and writing what I want. The purpose of this blog was to write about my girls and my life as a Mom. Need to get back to that. So I will start slow and build back up.
After I take a nap...
Monday, December 23, 2013
New Year - New Writing
It's been a struggle for me to write here and there are HUGE gaps in time. Things are still going on...some times too many things to actually write here. I feel neglectful of my writing. I feel neglectful of my writing about my girls because I want them to know all about their lives and my perspective of it.
So my plan for the new year is to write more here. I can't say how often and I won't nail myself down to some type of requirment. But I will write. Who knows what I shall say. But here we go...
So my plan for the new year is to write more here. I can't say how often and I won't nail myself down to some type of requirment. But I will write. Who knows what I shall say. But here we go...
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