So sensitive

Today I sat and listened to R talk while she ate lunch and was in awe. How could this sweet little girl sitting with me going on and on about who knows what be the same little girl who only an hour before bit a friend at school and drew blood?

Since R was diagnosed with SPD at around 20 months I feel like we have done everything we could possibly do to help her. We do therapy every other week with an OT and a daily home program. I have read books and bought various products online to help.

The latest is that I have removed all red dye 40 from her diet and had her blood sugar tested to make sure there was not some type of insulin issue going on. The red dye 40 could be a discussion all by itself. How in the hell is it possible that it's ok to consume something that other countries ban? Almost immediately we noticed some differences in her behavior when we removed the red dye and I don't plan on going back to it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the magic we needed to fix everything. God I wish it was.

We are thankfully also not dealing with an insulin issue, but for a second I wished we were just so I knew where to focus my energy.

It's like we are grabbing at straws. I can't keep R in a bubble and never have her interact with other kids. We can't "control" the world around her so much that she is not living in it and experiencing it. Yet, here we are on what I feel is the edge of being asked to leave another school and I don't know what to do.

After the most recent biting incident with C at home, we decided to take a different approach. It's not one we can take at school though. We told C that if R bit her again, she had our permission to bite her back. This was not a decision we came to lightly. There have been nasty bites to the face, the arms, the back, the legs, etc. that left C bruised for days. We tried to use our words. We tried to use time-outs and chew sticks and chewing gum and mouth exercises and rewards and even soap. It was not working.

Here we are a MONTH after that incident without a bite at home. Not one. We gave C some of her power back and R didn't like it. Seemed a lot different to her knowing there would be some response other than crying.

So today, in one of my not so great Mommy moments, I told R that I was giving the kids at school permission to bite her back. The reality is that's not true. They can't and I didn't. But I actually was surprised at her reaction. I was expecting more of a "whatever mom" response but she got really, really upset. This is not something I am proud of but damn, if it gets her to stop biting then I am all for it.

Tomorrow, we'll try again and see where that gets us. Things were going so well and now it's like the world has been turned upside down.