A Day in the Life

In a move that is totally unlike me I have decided to spare you the daily, not so pleasant details that make up my life as a pregnant girl. If I wrote every day, it would go a little something like this...

6:50 AM - hit snooze. Grab Z0fran bottle and remove one pill. Swallow pill while eyes are still closed washing it down with flat ____ (Insert Sprite, Canada Dry, etc.).

6:50 - 7:30 AM - hit the snooze repeatedly and grab a cracker every time littering the bed with crumbs.

7:30 AM - get up, experience nausea, maybe throw up, maybe not, get ready and head to work.

8 – 8:30 AM – drive to work while eating crackers and mentally praying I don’t vomit in the car. Turn the radio off because the sound interrupts my mental vision of pushing my unruly chi out my body through my feet. Eat more crackers. Ride the shuttle hoping I don’t have to use the plastic bag in my purse.

8:30 AM– 12 PM – eat oatmeal and a granola bar while sipping _____ (Insert Gatorade, lemon flavored water, etc.). Go to meetings. Feel nauseous. Maybe throw up or maybe not. Eat graham crackers. Suck on lemonheads. Sip _____ (Insert Gatorade, iced tea, etc.). Surf the internet. Eat more graham crackers and go to more meetings. Pee…a lot and contemplate if I will ever poop.

12 PM – 5 PM – eat lunch that is not in any way related to a salad, typically mashed potatoes or some type of hearty beef entrée. Sip ____ (Insert some drink that now tastes awful because I have been sipping it for days.). Eat crackers. Feel nauseous. Maybe throw up, or maybe not. Go to meetings. Suppress the desire to crawl under my desk and sleep. Feel gas bubbling in my stomach and pray that I don’t fart when there are other people around. Sip. Eat. Pee. Fart.

5 – 5:30 PM – catch shuttle and think about bag in purse. Drive home with plastic bag in lap. Gag a little. Push chi down unsuccessfully.

5:30 PM – 11 PM – eat, sip, throw up, pee, fart, burp… REPEAT.

Random intervals between 11 PM and 6:50 AM – pee, eat crackers, feel nauseous…REPEAT.

Today I feel: sorry for myself...big old baby.