Revelations

There was a moment today when I realized that I wasn’t happy like I thought I would be being pregnant. You know that jump up and down screaming like a crazy person happy that you see in movies? That wasn’t me. It wasn’t us.

This has been a long journey for us. In October I would have been off the pill for 3 years. We’ve been dealing with irregular cycles, hormonal ups and downs, a semen analysis, lab work, a crappy provider, temperature taking, acupuncture, etc. for months. The energy I have spent being upset and disappointed could probably power the Eastern half of the US. The energy SP has spent consoling me would power the Western half.

We were trying to get pregnant but weren’t prepared to BE pregnant. We are in shock.

So, I guess it’s not that we aren’t happy, because we are; it’s that we never expected success after the first round of Cl0mid. We had already prepared ourselves to move into round 2. We were caught off guard despite all the work to get here.

Realizing this was a major revelation. It is real. I took 4 freaking pregnancy tests. I have an appointment with a new doctor. We are pregnant and are allowed to celebrate and be happy.

So…WOOHOO! WE’RE PREGNANT.

Today I feel: a little sick to my stomach. Not like throw up sick but like I have a nervous, anxious stomach. But hell, I am nervous and anxious…I am going to be a MOM! In good news, the left nipple has decided to calm down, thankfully, after a month of standing at attention. I can’t tell you how happy I am about this because truthfully, it hurt.