Big girl clothes

This week I had to order Miss C new clothes for school. Her uniforms were starting to get too snug and too short. I love her at this age, but it does make me sad that she is growing up. I look at her now and see less of my baby and more of a little girl. Her clothes are just one of the most obvious signs that she is growing up.

I think she feels she is growing up too and goes back and forth with her big girl, baby girl feelings. One minute she wants no help and the next she wants to crawl in my lap and be held. I will hold her until she's 80 if I can.

It's Potty Time!

I honestly cannot believe that Miss R is potty training. And by potty training I mean really just teaching herself with minimal assistance from us. We "officially" starting this week with big girl panties and she's had very few accidents. We've even driven without a pull up and had no accidents.

She is raring to go and doesn't want the pull on at all. Stubborn child that she is. So we have to trick her into wearing them at nap and overnight. It's working so we'll keep doing it.

Her face is so freaking cute when she goes. Her eyes light up with excitement and pride and she gets this huge grin on her face. Everything about her body language says, "LOOK AT ME! I AM AWESOME!"

And really, she is.

The best intentions

One day when my girls look back on their childhood I am sure they will find some fault or praise for their parents, for their Mom, for impacting who they are. While I hope it's more praise than fault, it is inevitable I will not be perfect in all ways to them.

I'll be the first to admit that I am not always the best Mom. I try really had and my heart and intentions are good, but I mess up, A LOT. There is no greater pressure or responsibility in life, I think, than raising two little people to be responsible, respectful, healthy adults.

Daily I hope and pray that my inadequacies as a Mom are overshadowed by the sheer love I have for them. I want to do nothing but the best for my girls but often I fall short. My patience wears thin. My voice is raised. My frustration is high. My ability to keep it together with everything life throws my way, waivers. I disappoint them. I disappointment myself, because I am not perfect.

I want to be. I want to be the perfect Mom who raises two wonderful kids that are well behaved and great contributors to society. I want to not be exhausted or stressed or overwhelmed at times by the responsibility, but I am. I put too much pressure on myself and in turn expect too much of me and often of them.

I wish I was more carefree, that I didn't feel like very decision I make regarding my kids turns them down a path to greatness or not so greatness. And in my need to control it all, I often control nothing and feel powerless.

The logical side of me knows that even the seemingly wonderful parent, isn't always. That even at my worst, I am still far better than many. That I love my girls and the occasional meltdown makes me human. That my thoughts of how flawed I am in comparison to some unrealistic notion of the rest of the world are just ridiculous.

Yet, I am not always logical. And it makes me sad.

Sensory Processing Issues

To someone outside of our family, they may look at things like biting or chewy on everything as a "phase". Or they may respond to certain behaviors and think our child needs to "suck up" and get over it. Or they may even think we aren't good parents because we cannot stop our child from exhibiting certain behaviors that are viewed as less than desirable like biting.

I wish it were that easy, that it WAS just a phase. That I could be a better parent and figure it all out for Ramsey. I wish when I tried to explain to people that R has some sensory processing issues that they didn't look at me like I had three heads. People don't get it unless their child has them or they are an OT/PT/SLP or child mental health specialist. Even doctors don't always get it.

That is what has made getting to this point, 2 months in to OT with R, so challenging. We had to piece things together ourselves starting with being kicked out of a daycare for biting. No one helped us there. No one told us there could be a greater problem that required some therapeutic intervention. We had to seek out answers for ourselves.

As parents, we knew our child. We knew that R was overly sensitive. We knew she often cried a lot and we didn't know why and nothing seemed to console her. We knew she reacted a certain way to diaper changing, hair brushing, teeth brushing, etc. that left us perplexed and frustrated. We knew if she got anything on her hands she wanted it cleaned off IMMEDIATELY. We knew that her biting was beyond just typical toddler teething of things. We knew she was super smart and witty and funny. We knew she could hug you like she was squeezing the life out of you and would just as quickly hit you just as hard.

But we didn't know where to go from there.

So on our path to get where we are today, we went through the following:

• Multiple pediatrician calls and visits trying to understand and stop her biting.
• Changing schools after being kicked out of one to find another more fabulous school that was more willing to help us help R.
• Completed the First Steps evaluation after being referred by a friend who experienced similar behaviors with her son.
• Got denied First Steps but referred to an early childhood mental health specialist.
• Got referred by the pediatrician to a child psychologist and had a visit with one.
• Did two on-site visits at R's school with the early childhood mental health specialist for an assessment.
• Called the insurance company multiple times to see what they would pay for.
• Got referred by both the child psychologist and early childhood mental health specialist to OT.
• Googled sensory issues
• Bought multiple "chewy" toys online to help ward off biting.
• Completed multiple assessments for more than one OT facility in an attempt to get treatment for R.
• Got put on a wait list for one and the other never called us back.
• Finally got in to see OT and did assessment on-site with her.

We are now going weekly to have OT. We have a basket of "therapy" items in our home that include a sensory brush, nuks, puff balls, straws, etc. We work nightly with R doing joint compression, brushing, face and mouth exercises and other heavy play activities.

We are seeing some progress.

More later...

Where have I been?

I cannot believe I have not blogged here since March. I feel like I am doing Ramsey an injustice by not capture every detail of her life. She should feel comforted, though, when she reads this one day, that I was spending more time with her than I was writing about her.

Here's some things that have been going on...

• She turned two! We had a wonderful party complete with a bouncy house and she was thrilled.
• The G*rdner School has been a wonderful experience for us and we are glad we made the move. Yes, it was tough getting kicked out of one place and having to find another, but everything happens for a reason. Both girls are thriving and we couldn't be more pleased.
• Ramsey's biting has greatly decreased and now only happens randomly out of frustration. I attribute this change to the help from the school, our intervention and attention and her continued development.
• She is talking up a storm. Some days she is a parrot and repeats everything you say. Other days she chats away with her dolls, us, Cara, etc.
• Her favorite movie right now is Despicable Me. She loves "Big Nose" as she calls the main character and laughs out loud at him.
• I love to hear her laugh.
• Her favorite color is Lellow.
• We've recently begun to see her assert her independence with a lot of "I do it myself" comments.
• After finding her climbing out of her crib AND over the baby gate we have moved her to a toddler bed and installed a gate that is not as easy for her to climb.
• Her paci use, which was increased around the time of intense biting to keep that to a minimum, has greatly decreased.
• She has used the potty on occasion but still not with great frequency.
• While she loves her blankie and paci there are all kinds of other items she'd toddle around the house with...Lambie, Barbie, Mickey, Doofy (AKA Goofy), etc.
• She can put her own shoes on.
• She loves her sister. They do get on each others nerves from time-to-time but overall I can see the love there between the two of them.
• I love watching her play. She'll sit by herself and play with her dolls by rocking them and singing to them. It is adorable.
• She still hates to have dirty hands and I think that has to do with her sensory issues.

More to come...I promise.

Take a bite

Look at this face. At the age of 22 months she has officially been kicked out of her first school, for biting. It's been a rough few weeks to say the least.

When we decided to go to K*yfield with Mia I had concerns about their policy on biting. After having gone through biting with C as a toddler in Cincinnati, and experiencing their approach, we felt it was harsh to kick a child out for bitting. But, we also felt it would be best for C to go to school with her cousin. So, we let it go.

Then a little over a month ago, our sweet, loveable, fiesty little girl started getting bit at school. We didn't freak out because we knew kids at her age bit. They are learning to talk and can't say when they are upset or angry or whatever.

Then R started biting. And biting. And biting.

From the start we weren't pleased with the way her biting was being handled or how we were being addressed about it. But we kept trying to work it out. She wasn't biting at home so it was dificult for us to deal with her "behavior problem" that they said she had. It was frustrating.

Ended up that she was biting the same kid. We asked her to be moved away from this child to another room three times and they wouldn't. After meeting with them, having them try to put her in "time out" for biting numerous times, having her sent home for biting, etc. they kicked us out.

Talk about having a meltdown. That is how I was the day I picked her up for biting and they refused to move her to a new room and told us we had a week to find her a new place.

I was pissed. I was sad. I was angry at them for handling the situation so poorly and for not even thinking about our other child who would have to leave her friends and her cousin. Sure, we could have kept C at one school and send R to another, but why would we? They have labeled our child who did what most kids her age do. They had shown they couldn't handle a difficult situation well.

So, thankfully, we found a new school for the girls. Both of them. A school that handles biting more in line with our views. And interestingly enough, after a week there, she hasn't bitten once.

In the end, after all the tears and anger, everything happens for a reason. R was trying to tell us something wasn't right and this was the only way she could tell us. Sure, she's still struggling with aggression, but most kids her age do. We'll work through it like we did with C.

We love our little R...biting and all.

So much going on and so little time

I need to sit and spend some time updating all that is going on with the girls but for now we'll use just pictures.