Changes

I don't do well with change. It's difficult for me to adjust to new situations, new people, new anything. I am slow to warm up. Slow to adjust. Even when I know that the change is a good thing. I still need my moment to freak out before I embrace it.

Next month we are moving back to Louisville. We have lived in Cincinnati for 6 years and it's time to go home.

This is a HUGE change that I know, in the most logical parts of my brain and the largest parts of my heart, is the right move for me and my family. Still, I am scared shitless. I am starting to freak out about the change.

I am afraid my expectations will be too high for what our life will be like there. I am not naive enough to think it will be a perfect life but I do think (and hope) it will be close.

The house we are buying is in a great neighborhood. The girls will have a wonderful fenced yard to play in and I won't constantly be worried they will run into the street and get hit by a car speeding around the corner. It's a cul de sac so I am looking forward to them riding their bikes in the street without fear of those same cars hitting them.

We'll live .7 miles from my sister and while I don't expect to spend every waking moment with her and her family, I do expect to spend more time with them. More unplanned, spur of the moment, it's Friday night let's cook out and have the kids play, moments. I look forward to being able to say, let's go for a walk or having her house to go to when I just need to get out and have someone to talk to.

Dawn makes me laugh like nobody else and that laughter soothes my soul. I often find myself thinking that she must have been towards me like C is toward R. Such a bright light and a constant source of smiles and love. When you don't know your life any other way, you do feel an emptiness when that person is not around.

We will be 20 or so minutes from my parents. When C say she wants to see them, I won't have to coordinate a visit weeks in advance with planned pick up and drop off and all scheduled around who is eating when. My children will know their grandparents even more and I know for a fact that those memories last forever because I still have memories of spending time with mine.

The girls will go to daycare right near where we'll live and C will be in class with Mia. This, above all else, makes me panic the most. I know there will be some adjustment...that is normal. I also know the adjustment will partly be mine but knowing this still doesn't lessen how I feel or how much I worry.

This move, ultimately, is for my girls. I hope it strengthens my marriage and my family to be closer to people who can help us when we need it. People who want to spend time with us and who care about us and our kids.

Wish us luck!