Baptism

The girls got Baptized yesterday at St. Al's. This is what they looked like before it ever started. It was during nap time which proved to be a challenge, but overall it went well.

Thanksgiving Lunch

Had lunch with the girls at school today for Thanksgiving. I got C from her class so we could have lunch with R's class since it was earlier. She was so excited. Her face BEAMED when I walked in the room.

R was super excited too. I think she was also a little overwhelmed by all the activity with the parents and kids everywhere. But we managed. There was only a little crying when I left. Ok, maybe a lot of crying, but C was a trooper.

I squeezed myself into a little kid chair and ate turkey with my girls and it was one of the best lunches I have had, ever.

Memory

If I could bottle up a memory and save it for later I would save this time right now with my girls. I would save the image of C standing on the bed in mis-matched clothes that she picked our herself doing a mash-up of Red Solo Cup and Firework into a fake mic. I would save the image of R with her biggest gap-toothed grin wearing sunglasses and saying, "Hello Doe-Doe".

I want to lock away in my heart to never be lost the image of my two girls taking care of each other. C mothering R and calling her honey. She really steps up to take care of her little sister and makes sure she is ok. R follows her around and wants to do anything and everything she is doing. They are two peas in a pod.

I want to etch in my mind the sound of R's little raspy voice as she tells me extensive stories in detail that are beyond far-fetched and completely silly. I never want to forget how she said I would be proud of her...she knew, because I am.

I want my hand to forever know the feel of their little hands, their arms around my neck, their sloppy wet kisses. I never, ever want to forget these moments.

Big girl clothes

This week I had to order Miss C new clothes for school. Her uniforms were starting to get too snug and too short. I love her at this age, but it does make me sad that she is growing up. I look at her now and see less of my baby and more of a little girl. Her clothes are just one of the most obvious signs that she is growing up.

I think she feels she is growing up too and goes back and forth with her big girl, baby girl feelings. One minute she wants no help and the next she wants to crawl in my lap and be held. I will hold her until she's 80 if I can.

It's Potty Time!

I honestly cannot believe that Miss R is potty training. And by potty training I mean really just teaching herself with minimal assistance from us. We "officially" starting this week with big girl panties and she's had very few accidents. We've even driven without a pull up and had no accidents.

She is raring to go and doesn't want the pull on at all. Stubborn child that she is. So we have to trick her into wearing them at nap and overnight. It's working so we'll keep doing it.

Her face is so freaking cute when she goes. Her eyes light up with excitement and pride and she gets this huge grin on her face. Everything about her body language says, "LOOK AT ME! I AM AWESOME!"

And really, she is.

The best intentions

One day when my girls look back on their childhood I am sure they will find some fault or praise for their parents, for their Mom, for impacting who they are. While I hope it's more praise than fault, it is inevitable I will not be perfect in all ways to them.

I'll be the first to admit that I am not always the best Mom. I try really had and my heart and intentions are good, but I mess up, A LOT. There is no greater pressure or responsibility in life, I think, than raising two little people to be responsible, respectful, healthy adults.

Daily I hope and pray that my inadequacies as a Mom are overshadowed by the sheer love I have for them. I want to do nothing but the best for my girls but often I fall short. My patience wears thin. My voice is raised. My frustration is high. My ability to keep it together with everything life throws my way, waivers. I disappoint them. I disappointment myself, because I am not perfect.

I want to be. I want to be the perfect Mom who raises two wonderful kids that are well behaved and great contributors to society. I want to not be exhausted or stressed or overwhelmed at times by the responsibility, but I am. I put too much pressure on myself and in turn expect too much of me and often of them.

I wish I was more carefree, that I didn't feel like very decision I make regarding my kids turns them down a path to greatness or not so greatness. And in my need to control it all, I often control nothing and feel powerless.

The logical side of me knows that even the seemingly wonderful parent, isn't always. That even at my worst, I am still far better than many. That I love my girls and the occasional meltdown makes me human. That my thoughts of how flawed I am in comparison to some unrealistic notion of the rest of the world are just ridiculous.

Yet, I am not always logical. And it makes me sad.

Sensory Processing Issues

To someone outside of our family, they may look at things like biting or chewy on everything as a "phase". Or they may respond to certain behaviors and think our child needs to "suck up" and get over it. Or they may even think we aren't good parents because we cannot stop our child from exhibiting certain behaviors that are viewed as less than desirable like biting.

I wish it were that easy, that it WAS just a phase. That I could be a better parent and figure it all out for Ramsey. I wish when I tried to explain to people that R has some sensory processing issues that they didn't look at me like I had three heads. People don't get it unless their child has them or they are an OT/PT/SLP or child mental health specialist. Even doctors don't always get it.

That is what has made getting to this point, 2 months in to OT with R, so challenging. We had to piece things together ourselves starting with being kicked out of a daycare for biting. No one helped us there. No one told us there could be a greater problem that required some therapeutic intervention. We had to seek out answers for ourselves.

As parents, we knew our child. We knew that R was overly sensitive. We knew she often cried a lot and we didn't know why and nothing seemed to console her. We knew she reacted a certain way to diaper changing, hair brushing, teeth brushing, etc. that left us perplexed and frustrated. We knew if she got anything on her hands she wanted it cleaned off IMMEDIATELY. We knew that her biting was beyond just typical toddler teething of things. We knew she was super smart and witty and funny. We knew she could hug you like she was squeezing the life out of you and would just as quickly hit you just as hard.

But we didn't know where to go from there.

So on our path to get where we are today, we went through the following:

• Multiple pediatrician calls and visits trying to understand and stop her biting.
• Changing schools after being kicked out of one to find another more fabulous school that was more willing to help us help R.
• Completed the First Steps evaluation after being referred by a friend who experienced similar behaviors with her son.
• Got denied First Steps but referred to an early childhood mental health specialist.
• Got referred by the pediatrician to a child psychologist and had a visit with one.
• Did two on-site visits at R's school with the early childhood mental health specialist for an assessment.
• Called the insurance company multiple times to see what they would pay for.
• Got referred by both the child psychologist and early childhood mental health specialist to OT.
• Googled sensory issues
• Bought multiple "chewy" toys online to help ward off biting.
• Completed multiple assessments for more than one OT facility in an attempt to get treatment for R.
• Got put on a wait list for one and the other never called us back.
• Finally got in to see OT and did assessment on-site with her.

We are now going weekly to have OT. We have a basket of "therapy" items in our home that include a sensory brush, nuks, puff balls, straws, etc. We work nightly with R doing joint compression, brushing, face and mouth exercises and other heavy play activities.

We are seeing some progress.

More later...